It's the hands, I guess
by Tremor230
Summary: AU, OOC, Rated M...Why I am doing this? Human in Equestria, Crack-fic with plot. Experimental continuation of a "never Be" story. A Human soldier somehow finds himself in Equestria, in order to survive he uses the only skill he has outside killing: Massages...Luckily those work even TOO well on ponies! Maybe it's the hands...First MLP Fic...STOP JUDGING MEEEE! -flips table-
1. Chapter 1

**This was an interesting one: when I was asked to make a Naruto/MLP crossover I answered no, because honestly I don't know a thing about those horses and I had no idea about HOW to justify a crossover since I lack enough material knowledge to work with.**

 **But I have always been very attracted to the "Humanity, Fuck Yeah!" threads online and I wanted to try all the same to write a MLP story. A pity I then abandoned the thing since I still don't know how to develop this** **and** **I don't want it to be a ONE-SHOT.**

 **SO here is the deal:**

 **Crack story, Easier like that.**

 **Strong terms and Themes (you'll see in this chapter)**

 **Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).**

 **We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?**

 **Here they do, and the Human MC gives "Heavenly good ones" for reasons (his mother always suffered of back pains, he learned to give massages since he was a kid since professionals costed too much** **and once reached thirty-five years of age he had long become a '** ** _Master'_** **).**

 **The crack** **part of the story** **is...Those massages fe** **el** **TOO GOOD, LUDICROUSLY GOOD! So much that even the most rotten Bad Guys actually add divergences on their** ** _EEEEEEEVIL_** **! Plans just to make sure the Human massages also fall in their possession, everybody want those fingers to work their magic on their backs, EVERYBODY!**

 **...Everybody but Princess Luna** **as** **she won't be fooled! It is clear that the Human massages are hiding some EVIL CORRUPTING MAGIC! (She is an expert after all!) so she won't be Corrupted by those vile tricks! NEVER!**

 **Pretty much a Silly '** ** _Tinfoil-hat'_** **Luna fighting against a conspiracy only she can see.**

 **NO, IT'S NOT BASHING! Just some randomness thrown in.**

 **Why is all this happening? Easy...The secret it's all in the hands.**

 **S** **ince I am basing everything on just what I saw** ** _Sweetmiss_** **write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask,** **I am not doing** **OOC** **on purpose** ** _this time._**

" **You bastard"** – Spells/creatures

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" _Can it get any worse?_ " - during flashback/ Thoughts

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages).**

 **Chapter 1: Zecora and Lyra Heartstrings.**

 **Ponyville – Main Square -**

"Huuuuff!"

"What?"

"They are watching me again."

"Lyra..."

"Do NOT ' _Lyra'_ me, Bon Bon! I am not in the mood today!" Lyra Heartstring said with a low growl as the light-cyan mare rapidly walked away forcing her friend to hurry-up to remain close to her.

"What is it, this time?" Bon Bon asked.

"...Somepony has found some notes I have been reading in the library...about humans..." she muttered grimacing.

"I thought you were NOT interested in humans." her friend asked curious.

"Listen." Lyra said with a low growl as both walked in an empty park devoid of adults and young.

"I didn't even knew their _species_ even existed before, okay? I just made a mistake one day, I sat to crack my back and I got a _**Reputation**_ as a result...That is all." she then said huffing.

"And?"

"And somepony ( _and one day I will find WHO started it, I promise you_ ) willingly or not made sure the gossip about me being interested in them could spread everywhere!" Lyra said kicking a near bench in anger.

"And you aren't." Bon Bon said nodding.

"I...Wasn't..." the other admitted uneasy.

"Lyra?" the mare asked confused.

"Weeeell...They kept saying I was fixating on them and one day I simply got tired of it...What was this species I supposedly was an Expert on? I thought...So I may have opened a book or two...And I guess now somepony saw me and those speculations just turned into truth. Even if I started only a week ago to see what I could find on them. IF they really exist at all."

"You? An _Expert_?"

"You may not believe me, but I actually got few ponies writing me letters asking me for more details...' _Do they Exist?'_...' _What do they look like?'_...Even Zecora asked me for stuff, even if they were more medical oriented questions for some reason." Lyra answered.

"Zecora? That girl living in the woods?" Bon Bon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Exactly her. Then yesterday Twilight Sparkle herself called me in the library to give me a mass of sheets of parchment that looked ancient she said she had found cataloging her new stock. That and a death threat should I ruin those notes."

"And? And?" the other mare asked.

"Apparently _SOMEWHERE_..." at that Lyra moved a hoof towards the sky.

"Humans can be found. Even if Starswirl the Bearded seems to be the ONLY pony to have ever met one in person and talk to one." Lyra answered.

"Oh! And?"

"To quote that barmy old pony, that human was: ' _Quite the eccentric fellow,_ _tall like a tree and_ _buil_ _t_ _like a boulder and yet gentle, soft-spoken and with a nicely-inquisitive and intellectual mind. Sure I would have preferred if he was dressed, but I had mistakenly opened a Portal right in his bathroom while he was showering instead of in the gardens of my house_ _as I had planned_ _, so I have no room to complain.'..._ Apparently catching them without clothes on is _very bad_." Lyra explained.

"It makes them sound like nice people though, I know I would have been mad had somepony barged in my bathroom while I was bathing instead!" Bon Bon answered.

"Yep! Still doesn't explain WHY everypony think I am an expert! I saw the image Starswirl drew of that Human: a creature walking on his back legs, without fur bar on his head (and occasionally face) and lacking hooves of any kind would catch the eyes of everypony instantly SHOULD some walk around! So if nopony ever saw one how am I supposed to be an expert on stuff about them?" Lyra said sighing.

"So somepony else must have read those papers or have heard somepony they knew talk about what is written on it that _they_ have read in the past...Or maybe Starswirl himself told somepony, who told somepony, who told to their kids as a bedtime story and so on until today!" Bon Bon explained as both had started again to walk until they came close to a patch of trees.

"That may be true, but I cannot be considered an Expert with capital ' _E'_ just because I have sat once like they would! I have never ever even met one Human! I just want to stop those voices and gossip..." Lyra said with a defeated expression.

"Then show them you don't know a thing about them." Bon Bon suggested.

"I technically already know everything it is known about them since I have read those books and the papers written by Starswirl," the other countered.

"Right...Hey..."

"Yes?" Lyra asked with narrowed eyes.

" _ **IF**_ you can't stop everypony from speculating, why do you not become a REAL expert then? You can write fantasy novels about humans and become famous for it! If nopony knows a thing about Humans, then you can come-up with everything you want!" she suggested laughing.

"Yeah, yeah. Then I will make a public spectacle and tell everypony ' _BEHOLD! HERE IS A HUMAN!'_ " Lyra answered laughing as she spun around to point at a tree…

And at the _Human_ standing right next to it as he had tried to sneak away unseen only to stop mid-step once Lyra had pointed at him.

A very, very, very, _**VEEEEEEEEEERY**_ long second passed as the two mares and one human man looked at each other with _wide_ _-_ _eyes-with-pin-prick-pupils_ as the reality of the thing slammed inside their heads with the force of a Nuke.

"HUMAN!/SHIT!" both he and Lyra screamed at the same time before the man actually surprised the mares by sprinting away at top speed through the trees.

"GRAB HIM!" the cyan mare bellowed as she and Bon Bon launched themselves to the chase.

"Weren't they supposed to be a myth?!" Bon Bon asked as they saw their target way ahead.

"In theory! Now slow-down, I want to see where he was hiding!" Lyra answered making both dive for the bushes to follow him more stealthily.

"...They must be around, never heard of somebody out-running a horse. Zec will have my head for this." they heard him mutter with a growl as he walked backwards while looking left and right for the mares.

Now that she was more clear-minded she could actually ' _SEE'_ what he looked like: he had broad shoulders and strong build, from the top of his head to the feet ( _if she remembered well how to measure human height)_ he seemed to be very close at the two meters mark; he was sporting a well-trimmed beard black in colour coming maybe just an inch down his face, light skin colour and black hair with the beginning signs of some grey ones here and there.

" _He is not a foal, he is an adult_." Lyra whispered to Bon Bon.

" _What is he wearing?_ " the other asked.

" _I don't know!_ _It looks like camouflage gear...only for humans instead of ponies,_ "

The clothes were coloured in splotches of various shades of brown put in random order, both pants and the jacket above it looked worn-out just like the cap he was wearing (that too with the same motif) meaning that probably clothes and owner had been through a lot; when he removed his sunglasses to better scan the area they saw a pair of piercing blue eyes speaking of wisdom and of somebody who saw and did a lot.

"I don't know who you are, but I am not looking for troubles! I was just passing by and it won't happen anymore, so I suggest you to simply treat me like an hallucination and forget I existed!" the man said before running away again and soon disappearing through the trees.

"Well, I can tell you that he has a nice deep voice." Bon Bon admitted.

"So that is a human..." Lyra muttered with narrowed eyes as both came out from their hiding place.

"Should we follow him?"

"From afar, yes. I want to go to the bottom of this...he said ' _Zec will have my head'_...Can it be he talked about Zecora?" she answered.

"Her hut is in that general direction, actually, so maybe..." Bon Bon said unsure.

"It's good as any place, let's go." Lyra said trotting forward.

"Y-You sure? Just like this?"

"He doesn't seem hostile, he ran away instead of attacking us and admitted he just wanted to be ignored, if we do not press too much we shouldn't have problems...You coming?"

"As if I would let you go alone!" the mare answered in determination.

"Good...Let's go there slowly though, he may suspect he is being followed so we'll need to be extra cautious..."

"Right."

 **One hour later – Everfree Forest – close to Zecora's home -**

" _Ssssh_!" Lyra hissed as both mare did their best to stay low and move closer to listen what Zecora was saying.

"So they saw you?" the zebra asked sighing.

"To be honest, Zec, it was bound to happen." they heard the same deep voice answer.

"Buck! My name is not ' _Zec'_!" they heard Zecora answer annoyed.

" _There is no need to be vulgar._ " Bon Bon said frowning.

"It's just a friendly nickname, I can't see where is the problem in that." the human answered, inching a little closer Lyra could see that he was sitting on a tree stump sewing closed a hole in his jacket so remaining with a plain white shirt covering his chest while showing muscles-riddled arms covered in scars.

"I am still not sure I like it, Buck..."

"By the way, considering how you ponies talk...Is my name really used as a curse here?" the man asked looking hurt.

"Yes it is considered a curse word, although ' _Buck'_ is only used in the more unfriendly areas, you will hardly find a pony use it...It's more a Griffin thing." Zecora answered.

" _His name_ _ **IS**_ _Buck?!"_ Bon Bon whispered scandalized.

"Shh!"

"Then I guess they will keep kids away from me since I am a walking cuss word!" the human said amused.

 _Sigh!_ "Why I let you stay here? Why we are friends even?" Zecora asked sighing in defeat.

"For the same reason you do not talk in rhymes with me, you love me!" Buck answered with a thundering laugh and soon re-wearing the brown jacket.

"You saved my life and I was indebted to you, I know, but now I am wondering if it wouldn't have been better just being eaten by those Timberwolves." the zebra said moaning in despair.

"You do not think that and you know it."

"...Huhuhu! Yes, yes! I do enjoy your company. Do not force me to admit that though, it's embarrassing!"

"Love you too, you striped wonder!" he answered winking.

"Huhuhu! What a foolish human. How are your wounds?" she asked with her voice turning into a more concerned tone.

"Perfect, bar some back pains still flaring up now and then, I am like new. Where did you find how to treat me? I never saw another human in my six months here so how did you know how to cure me?" Buck asked curious.

"I managed to ask to an Expert by pretending to be just curious about your kind, the rest was just me trying my concoctions to heal you...They took longer than usual, but they did work as intended all the same." Zecora answered making Lyra go wide-eyed.

"All my thanks to you and your Expert friend then!...I just hope the guys are okay back home..." Buck answered turning sad.

"You were a giant bruise when we met, you barely stopped those beasts from eating me before collapsing and yet still rambled for hours to no end about finding your comrades, are you sure others like you are really around? We never found traces," Zecora answered walking closer to him to sit next to the Human.

"...I know, we know how to act during a retrieval mission and how to act in hostile territory in case we get separated, so whatever brought me here took _**only me**_...I think it actually saved me from that mine though, so in a way...maybe I have to thank it...But I still miss my home." Buck answered sighing and looking down at his feet.

"Maybe one day we will find a way to send you back. In the meantime you can consider this _OUR_ home," Zecora said sitting next to him and moving a hoof on his leg with a reassuring smile.

"I still prefer sleeping on one of the trees, there is not enough space for both of us in your house after all." Buck answered finally returning to smile.

"Then we will enlarge the house." the zebra countered.

"No need for that. Hey, I saw you groan yesterday, want me to help your relax again?" the human asked out of the blue.

"W-W-WHAT?! N-NO! P-Please no!" Zecora said moving away with a heavy blush.

" _What's wrong?_ " Bon Bon asked confused.

" _I don't know_."

"It didn't felt good?" Buck asked curious making the spying mares jaw-drop in shock.

"It did...It did feel too good...I-I moaned like that..." the zebra admitted ashamed.

" _Oh my gosh!"_ Lyra gasped in horror.

"Yes, you were pretty vocal in praising me, and while flattering, it did sound a little disturbing." the human replied nodding.

"That's why we can't! It's wrong!" Zecora said desperate.

"But you want to."

"...Yes!" Zecora admitted almost in tears.

"Hey! it's okay. If you don't want to then we won't-"

"I want to..." she admitted with a low voice.

 _Sigh!_ "Then lay down, so we can start." Buck said sighing as he removed his coat and rubbed his hands together.

" _She is...He is...They are…"_ Bon Bon said with a horrified tone, too much shocked to even speak proper sentences.

" _Let's go away! I don't want to see!_ " Lyra said immediately.

" _B-But! T-That's mating with an animal!_ " Bon Bon tried saying before a loud wailing eclipsed her whispering.

"OHOOOOOOOO! Mmmmmmh!" Zecora's moan was long, draw-out and filled to the brim in pleasure.

"Okay, you really needed this it seems." Buck admitted impressed.

"OOOOOOH, BUCK!"

 _Let's go away! Let's go away!_ " Lyra said making both mares bolt as fast as they could while ignoring the other moans of the zebra.

 **With Buck and Zecora -**

"What the hell was that?" the human asked curious.

"Sssh! Ignore it, it was probably some animal...Now keep massaging me, please." Zecora pleaded with half-lidded eyes.

"Okay, okay. But your back muscles are full of _knots,_ you can't stress this much, is not healthy." Buck answered as he kept massaging the girl's back with a surprising amount of professionalism.

" _MMMMMMMH_! That's why I keep you around! _Oh! Oh! Oh! THERE!_ …H-Had you been a pony, I bet your Cutie Mark would have been about massages! _OOOOOH, GOODNESS!_ Yours feel sooooo gooood!" she purred in answer.

"Yeah, and your moans sound like we are filming a porno." the poor man muttered sighing annoyed.

" _Uuuuhn_! What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

The first time he offered her a massage, as a way to thank her for all her help in recovering from his wounds, the moans had caught him by surprise pretty damn strong, especially the little hearts he could literally see float up from her head! He remembered his brother's daughter watch one of those cartoons were the same happened and he was told that it was a visual cue for the audience...But watching the same thing happen in Real Life was creepy to the extreme!

That and the ' _hungry'_ look she had given him during that first massage, that made him actually thank God the two of them were different species, otherwise he would have immediately sued her for Sexual Harassment.

"OH, BUCK! OH, BUCK! OOOOOOH!"

...Maybe he should really consult a lawyer all the same, just to be on the safe side.

 **The next day – Ponyville -**

Zecora, showing a dazzling smile and a spring in her steps, was returning from her shop trip for groceries when she crossed path with Lyra and Bon Bon, making both mares stop to look at her in utter contempt.

"What?" she asked getting immediately on the defensive.

"H-Have you no shame!?" Bon Bon asked shocked.

"About what? Buying oranges?" Zecora asked back confused.

"NOT THAT!" Lyra growled.

"...It's for the apples?" the other tried again even more confused.

"Y-Y-You are hiding...An Human!" Lyra whispered once sure nobody was listening.

"No!" the zebra said immediately.

"Do not lie! We followed him back to your house! His name is Buck!...What a vulgar name..." Bon Bon said.

"So? What if I am living with a Human?" Zecora asked back with narrowed eyes, already not liking the ' _racist'_ tone she was feeling filling their words just like they did when she firstly moved to Ponyville.

"Y-Y-You are doing _things_ with him!" Lyra said almost shrieking.

"Things?"

"We heard you m-m-moan!" Bon Bon answered.

"Oooh, gosh!" the zebra answered blushing crimson.

"It was disgusting!"

"I can't help it, okay!? It feels good."

"DO NOT GO INTO DETAILS!" Bon Bon yelled horrified.

"I wasn't! It's just a natural reaction I have, okay?!"

"This doesn't mean you can do such dirty things!"

"I was in the privacy of my home!"

"IT IS STILL WRONG!" Lyra roared.

"Why should you care?! And even then, what is all this hatred for some massages?" Zecora said annoyed.

"You are Matin...Massages?" Lyra said furious deflating.

"He was massaging you? that's it?"

"Yes he wa-WAIT! You thought me and him...Mating?!" Zecora asked shocked.

"It sure sounded like that! By how you talked and the fact he uncovered his arms we thought he was undressing, t-then you started moaning and we ran away without seeing a thing." Lyra explained.

"He says he works best without sleeves impairing his arms, and he is GOOD at giving massages." Zecora answered.

"He can't be that good."

"...It's the hands." the zebra admitted.

"Hands?"

"What he has on the upper arms in place of hooves, humans can move the fingers independently, very dexterously too if they are trained well." Lyra said.

"He uses a warmed-up aromatic oil I extract from a mixture of herbs to help muscles relax, but the rest is all in those callous, warm hands and fingers finding the knots and...And doing _Magic things_ to your back." Zecora said shivering at the memories.

"And he does that everyday? And you always moan like that?"

"I have a very low pleasure threshold, and he does that once a week only, any more and I risk jumping him."

"ZECORA?!"

"Yes, I know. It took two weeks for him to trust me enough to once again get close to me after that incident, but to be honest I didn't expect it to feel THAT good." she admitted ashamed.

"...Can I try it?" Lyra asked with a low voice.

"LYRA?! What the hay!?"

"Admit it, Bon Bon! She make it sound very appealing!" the cyan mare answered.

"Okay! FINE! But I will be there watching, and at the first trace of fool play I will intervene and make him wish he never got here in Ponyville!" the mare replied with narrowed eyes.

"I didn't accept yet," Zecora said.

"Come on! Be a good friend!" Lyra said whining.

"You accused me to have mating sessions with my friend, I don't see how this would make me open to accept." the other answered.

"...You...You don't want to share the goods?" Bon Bon asked surprised.

"Yes. Those hands are mine and mine only." she replied defiantly.

"I-I can pay! Are twenty bits enough?"

"Lyra?!"

"..." Zecora just looked at the offered money with narrowed eyes.

 **Everfree Forest - Zecora's house -**

"...You accepted the money?" Buck asked surprised.

"You may be good at hunting and I at growing our food, but certain things still need to be bought if we need them, and those require money, no matter how much I myself hate the idea of accepting money for this. And IF your massages are good for the others as they are for me, we might have found a way for you to integrate in Ponyville, have a proper job ( _like you lamented lacking_ ) and enough funds to make a living yourself." Zecora answered.

"Okay, okay. At least I will be able to buy new clothes, I may be washing the ones I have regularly, but I still prefer something more than just my desert camo. Okay, okay...Come here, girlie. What's your name?" Buck asked preparing a clean sheet for Lyra to lay face-down on and accepting the already-warm oil from Zecora.

"Lyra Heartstrings, and yours is Buck, right?" the mare answered.

"Yep, Buck Richardson, soldier of the Army of the United States of America, rank Captain directly from a world of humans before a land-mine _SOMEHOW_ shoot me here instead of killing me. But since I was told my name is used as a curse word here, you can call me either ' _Mister Richardson'_...or Blackbeard, like my own sergeant instructor use to call me when I firstly joined the army and forgot to shave." he answered rubbing his hands with the oil and then starting.

"Blackbeard it is theeeeeeeen-OH MY GOSH!" Lyra answered before her words turned into a long moan.

"Here we go..." Buck muttered dejected.

"Wow!" Bon Bon muttered as she saw her friend turn putty under him, mewling and moaning in bliss depending where he touched.

"OOOOOH! SQUEEZE MY FLANK! SQUEEZE IT!" the mare begged.

"Eh?" the man asked disturbed gaining only a helpless shrug from Zecora.

"That is not exactly a massage."

"SQUEEZE IT!"

"Okay! Okay!" he answered complying to the request.

Bon Bon swallowed hard as she saw those ten ' _fingers'_ roughly grab both Lyra's _cheeks_ to squeeze them, watching as each finger gently dug deeply into the oiled-shiny flank of the mare in what looked like a very erotic scene.

"GUOOOOOOOOH!" the cyan mare howled with rolled eyes before dropping her head to pant.

"...Shit."

"I find myself agreeing, Buck." Zecora muttered equally disturbed/impressed just like he was at the _puddle_ rapidly forming under Lyra.

"There may be an extra for the washing of the sheets in the final bill, just so you know." the human said with a weak chuckle.

"I-I-Is that supposed to happen?" Bon Bon asked.

"What do you think!?" Buck answered growling making her shrink a little under his glare.

"All things considered, it showed that it is not my fault if I moan every time." Zecora muttered relieved.

"Mmmmmh! Moooore!" Lyra moaned with a way-too-loving smile.

"Can I try it next?" Bon Bon asked.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Buck said sighing as he returned to work.

 **The next day – Ponyvile -**

"COME ON!"

"NO!"

"COME OOOOOOON!" both Lyra and Bon Bon kept begging.

"I SAID NO!" Zecora replied angrily.

"We will pay!" Bon Bon said pleadingly.

"We will give you everything you want!" Lyra added.

"NO!"

"What is the problem here, ladies?" a new voice asked concerned.

"P-P-PRINCESS CELESTIA!?" the two mares plus zebra yelled as one in shock at seeing the Sun Alicorn and Twilight walk towards them.

"Is everything okay?" Twilight asked worried.

"Y-Yes, we were just asking Zecora if her... _friend_ , could give us a massage like he did yesterday." Lyra answered.

"And I was refusing." Zecora added.

"All this for a massage?" Celestia said with a small, amused smile.

"Mister Bu...Mister _Blackbeard_ is very good at those," Bon Bon answered.

"I wasn't aware that _somebody_ like him was good at it," the Alicorn admitted impressed.

"You know about him?" the zebra said worried.

"It's okay, have no fear, your friend is safe...But if he is busy and he can't give you others a massage, then you can't force him, it wouldn't be nice to him." the Princess answered with a gentle and yet still chastising tone.

"But! But!" Lyra said dejected.

"The Princess is right, you can't force somepony if they don't want. And those are simple massages, how good would they ever been to react like that? aren't you exaggerating?" Twilight said.

"NO!" the three answered as one almost blowing back the Unicorn.

"S-Sorry." Lyra said sheepishly.

"I still say you are over-reacting." Twilight muttered defiantly.

"Then why don't you try, your Highness? So you can tell Twilight if we are exaggerating or not!" Bon Bon said with a challenging tone.

"HEY!" Zecora yelled furious.

"Then shouldn't I be the one trying?" Twilight said crossing her hooves.

"You are not worthy." Lyra answered sticking-out her tongue.

"HEY!"

"Please calm down, everypony. There is no need to argue, and if mister Blackbeard cannot massage you, I would feel bad forcing him to do the same for me just because I am a Princess." Celestia said gently.

"I am sure he won't mind!" Lyra said immediately.

"Technically it should be me, or better him, to answer that." Zecora said annoyed.

"I am surprised you are not talking in rhymes." Twilight admitted.

"I am not in the mood for that."

 _Sigh!_ "Can we please ask to your friend if he can, Miss Zecora? I fear that otherwise we won't resolve this issue any time soon." Celestia said sighing in defeat.

"...Fine! But after this if I or him say NO then it is no," Zecora accepted with a defeated expression making the other two mares cheer happily.

"Huhuhu! You must really like it, but we should at least give him a token of appreciation, making him work for free wouldn't be fair." the Sun Alicorn said amused at their reactions.

"You sure, your Highness?" Twilight asked confused.

"I admit that I got a little curious myself, it won't take looking so you can wait for me in the Library, okay?" she answered.

"Okay, Princess Celestia." the Purple Unicorn answered nodding.

 **Later that day – Manehattan – Observatory -**

An old pegasus was observing the sun through special ( _Magical)_ lenses to measure the solar activity when a far-away cry of ' _OH MY GOOOOOOOSH!'_ faintly reached his ears making him look away from the telescope.

"What the..." he muttered confused.

"Hey! it's me or the sun has dimmed-out a little?" another scientist asked as she had instead kept observing the star without interruption.

"Eh?" the old pegasus asked.

"The sun seemed ' _spent'_ for an instant, right after an _explosion_ of flares flying everywhere, and I could swear those spelled out ' _Oh my gosh!'_...But I could be wrong."

"Bah! Just take a break, evidently you are working too much." the old stallion answered simply as he returned to take notes.

"Yeah, maybe you are right." she answered yawning.

 **The next day – Canterlot -**

"So? You can do it?" Celestia asked eagerly.

"Well, yes. But I don't understand why you want doors and ceiling that high." the Unicorn architect in front of the Alicorn asked confused.

"The _Head Masseur_ is very tall and I don't want him to be forced to bend down to do his _miracles_ , he must be as much comfortable as possible when working." the Alicorn answered promptly.

"Ookay, then I think we will be able to start next month to-"

"Nono! You will start tomorrow!" Celestia interrupted him.

"T-T-Tomorrow?! But the permissions-"

"I already signed and approved them personally."

"T-The terrain-"

"Number six _Maple Road_ , I bought the whole apartment complex and had it demolished ahead of schedule."

"The-the staff?"

" _Bought_ from the best Massage Parlors of Canterlot, Cloudsdale and Neigh-York, so he will have a Team of experts helping him should too many ponies be present at the same time."

"The-the blueprints?"

"Dear Blueblood took care of it and had few friends of his in Manehattan draw the project for me, I gave it my own flair and you are free to make the due modifications as long as you maintain the ' _idea_ ' I had for the place." she answered adding few rolled charts to the stack of papers between the two.

"...The equipment? The furniture?" the Architect asked.

"Both Furniture and the standard equipment are already in storage here in the Castle while the custom ones for Mister Blackbeard are being build as we speak by few trusty artisans and will be ready in a week." Celestia answered.

"Okay! Then we can start tomorrow!" the stallion answered faintly.

"Good! I trust you and your company will finish soon then! Thank you for your collaboration in this little project of mine!" Celestia said very happily as she watched the unicorn take away all the documents she prepared and that he will need to work.

"Hihihi! Soon I will have my little angle of paradise." the Sun Alicorn muttered with a pleased smile.

"Sister?" Luna asked.

"Yes?"

"Why are you building a massage parlor? And Why in Ponyville?" the Moon Princess asked confused.

"Like that I will have my little home away from home where I will be able to relax, and I promised Miss Zecora I would not have separated her from her friend in exchange of my request being fulfilled." Celestia answered looking outside towards Ponyville's general direction with a longing sigh.

"All this for a mere massage? I can find you the best Unicorn masseur of Canterlot if you want." Luna said smirking.

"It would not be the same, not without _HIM_ doing it!" Celestia replied shaking her head as she walked away.

"...Something is not right, there must be something else going on here." Luna muttered with narrowed eyes.

 **Back in Ponyville -**

"I hate you, Zec." Buck muttered growling.

"COME ON! I had no choice!" Zecora answered whining.

"Okay, okay...But I have a bad feeling about this."

"Me too, Buck. Me too..."

 **Done! chapter is finished.**

 **The story would have been divided between scenes where the mare the chapter is about falls ' _victim'_ of Buck's massages and chapters where our Human MC would have to fight off Luna's increasingly ' _Looney Toons'_ -like plans to stop him or uncover his ' _Corrupting Evil Human Magic'_...A la Wily Coyote so to speak.**

 **Pretty much a Light-hearted, sometimes Erotic, full-nonsense fanfic with very little seriousness sprinkled here and there whenever talking about Buck's back-story or in general to keep the plot from going too much into _Crack_ territory, even if this would be a Crack-Fic all right. **

**That is why the reactions to the massages are THIS MUCH exaggerated.**

 **A pity I still don't know how to continue it, even by making each chapter a sort-off "Story" in itself focusing on one or more mares.**

 **If you have some ideas, let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am** ** _SOMEHOW_** **continuing this without ever watching a single episode of MLP or even just the intro...Can you write something about a franchise you DON'T know?...Apparently** ** _I_** **can…**

 **If you really need to know what Mister Buck "** ** _Blackbeard"_** **looks like...Google a picture of the** **Rainbow Six Siege Character "** ** _Blackbeard_** **"** **. I am using his likenesses for my Main Character.**

 ** _AND ONLY HIS APPEARANCES! BACKSTORY IS ALL MY OWN DOING!_**

 **H** **ere is the deal:**

 **Crack story, Easier like that.**

 **Strong terms and Themes (** **I warned you** **)**

 **Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).**

 **We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?**

 **Here they do, and the Human MC gives "Heavenly good ones" for reasons (his mother always suffered of back pains, he learned to give massages since he was a kid since professionals costed too much** **and once reached thirty-five years of age he had long become a '** ** _Master'_** **).**

 **The crack** **part of the story** **is...Those massages fe** **el** **TOO GOOD, LUDICROUSLY GOOD! So much that even the most rotten Bad Guys actually add divergences on their** ** _EEEEEEEVIL_** **! Plans just to make sure the Human massages also fall in their possession, everybody want those fingers to work their magic on their backs, EVERYBODY!**

 **...Everybody but Princess Luna** **as** **she won't be fooled! It is clear that the Human massages are hiding some EVIL CORRUPTING MAGIC! (She is an expert after all!) so she won't be Corrupted by those vile tricks! NEVER!**

 **Pretty much a Silly '** ** _Tinfoil-hat'_** **Luna fighting against a conspiracy only she see** **s** **.**

 **NO, IT'S NOT BASHING! Just some randomness thrown in.**

 **Why is all this happening? Easy...The secret it's all in the hands.**

 **S** **ince I am basing everything on just what I saw** ** _Sweetmiss_** **write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask,** **I am not doing** **OOC** **on purpose** ** _this time._**

" **You bastard"** – Spells/creatures

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" _Can it get any worse?_ " - during flashback/ Thoughts

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages).**

 **Chapter 2: Rarity and Big MacIntosh.**

 **Apple Family Acres – Main patch of trees -**

"You are working too much, Mac." AJ, also known as the ' _Element of Honesty',_ said sighing as she loaded the umpteenth basked of apples on a small cart next to her.

"Eeeyup! Ah'm fine, Bloom's still too little to buck those big trees. Ah can still do this mahself!" he answered chuckling as he rattled a rather _giant_ apple tree with a bucking back kick of a single hoof making several dozen apples fall down.

"...Show-off." the mare muttered huffing as she dragged what looked-like being a cart full of several times her own body-weight in apples away with minimum effort.

"She could drag tha whole barn away without noticin' and _AH'm_ tha one showin' off? Tha Element of Hypocrisy, that's-a what she is!" Mac said to himself with an amused tone.

"BIG MAAAAAAC!" in that moment a very young voice yelled happily as very young filly ran towards him.

"Bloom! What-cha doin' here?" the stallion asked with a wide smile that went soon covered in sweat as an adult mare joined the scene with her.

"Miss Cheerilee needed help and I said she could ask you!" Apple Bloom answered innocently as said mare walked forward.

"I hope I am not interrupting, Big Mac." she said with a gentle smile.

"N-NNO! Ah mean...Of course not!" the stallion answered a bit faster than what he had planned, but he still managed to sound casual.

It was no mystery to every single Pony in Ponyville that Big Mac had an Equestria-sized crush on the school teacher (even if _**SOMEHOW**_ Miss Cheerilee herself was not aware of this), so his nervousness can be excused even just a little.

"Wonderful! Because I really need you right now!" Miss Cheerilee said happily.

" _Warning! Sweating Ratio up to 3000%! Chances of Bucking-up everything and look like a foal..._ _ **Darn High**_ _!_ " a loud mental alarm blared to life in Big Mac's head at those words as his tongue calmly formed several knots by itself.

"I was planning several outings with my students around Ponyville so to show them some of the everyday life of adult Stallion and Mares and even (if possible) have them try helping. Many students are having problems finding their _Talents_ and so I also hoped that this will help them in that regard, along learning about all the work and dedication behind everything they see every day." the teacher explained.

"So I told her that you would have helped her by showing my classmates what we do here!" Apple Bloom added excited.

"She was quite insistent actually, she was somehow sure you would have jumped at the occasion to help me." Cheerilee said with a soft laugh.

" _ET TU, BLOOM?!_ " the stallion thought in theatrical betrayal as he watched his younger sister and immediately understanding that indeed SHE KNEW about his ability to turn into an idiot when Cheerilee was in a ten meter radius from him, and still moving things so to have him in a position he could not refuse her!

"I know this is sudden, but I was really hoping either you or Miss AJ could accept! The Apple Family was behind the founding of Ponyville, so it would be a great way to include a tiny history lesson to the outing as well!" the mare said with a hopeful tone.

Behind her, unseen, Apple Bloom's smile turned slightly too ' _Evil'_ for Mac's tastes.

" _You will confess you like her even if it is the last thing I do!_ " the stallion didn't need to guess if those were the filly's thoughts or not, it was practically written on the young pony's forehead!

"O-Of course yah can have the students come here! me and AJ will show them how the buckin' works!" Mac answered with what he hoped was a convincing-enough smile as he absent-mindedly moved to give a new one-hoofed kick to the same tree…

"Huhuhu! Thank you! I am ready to repay you for your time, personally!" Miss Cheerilee said with a dazzling smile.

" **Cute unplanned Innuendo** _Detected_! _Bucking-up in three! Two! One!"_ Mac's brain answered by itself deciding that it was high time for the Stallion to fuck-up in front of the girl he had a crush on while he was doing something he normally was perfectly capable of pulling off. _(please raise you hand if that ever happened to you as well_ ).

Mac's hoof in fact did not catch the tree fully, but rather hit the side of the plant making the leg twist in a VERY PAINFUL way that immediately had the stallion's brain catch fire in pain signals; Luckily some apples still fell down so he could play it cool by just biting on his tongue to not scream in agony.

"Oooh! Good kick!" Miss Cheerilee answered with a small clapping of her hooves.

"T-Thank you..." Mac answered still holding his screams back by sheer force of will.

"I will sign down the Apple Family Acres as our first outing then! Next we'll need to ask Sweete Belle if her sister Rarity will be open to the idea of showing us how she makes her dresses, do you want to accompany me?" the teacher asked to Bloom.

"Of course!" the filly answered.

"Then we will be on our way, have a nice day, Mac! I will inform you when we will have the dates of the outings ready so you can tell me if we need to postpone or not!" the mare said as both calmly walked away leaving behind the still smiling, and sweating for a completely different reason than the beginning, Mac.

Once sure she was out of hearing range the red-furred stallion fell on his back and…

"KYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed to the heavens his pain while literally blowing back of several meters AJ that had in the meantime come to refill her cart.

 **A couple of hours later – Carousel Boutique -**

Rarity Belle, Element of Generosity, was finally taking a pause after delivering a rather large order of formal dresses for a small birthday party in Manehattan she had been kinda surprised to be entrusted with.

"I guess that fiasco or not, the dresses I made for the Grand Galoping Gala DID catch somepony's eyes..." She muttered sighing once finished her cup of tea.

 _D-Dling-Dling!_

The small bell on the top of her door rang quietly as an unexpected guest entered her shop snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Oh!" she uttered surprised.

"Y-Yeah, sorry to intrude..." Buck said unsure as he was forced to crouch down to not hit the ceiling with his head.

"You...You must be that masseur, the Heman?" Rarity asked unsure.

"Technically the right term is ' _Human'_. But I prefer my name Bu- _Blackbeard_." the poor man answered barely stopping himself from using his name ( _considered a cuss word in Equestria **apparently**_ ) and using instead his nick-name with barely-hidden annoyance.

"And what I can do for you?" the mare asked cautious; strange creature or not, he had been hoof-chosen by Celestia as Head Masseur for the new Beauty Parlor at few meters from her own shop (one the Fashion Designer swore she will someday be able to afford visit!), so maintaining a good image as a Professional Dress-maker was Top Priority.

"I...Well...I need clothes." finally admitting defeat the man sat on the ground cross-legged while talking with a tone of pure shame while toying with the simple pale-blue shirt and pants he was wearing over his _standard issue_ military boots.

"I beg you pardon?" Rarity asked taken aback.

"It is embarrassing..." Buck said, it had been YEARS since he felt that embarrassed truth be told.

"Please, do tell. I think I can help you." Being equally a gossiper, and so naturally nosy, AND the embodiment of Generosity itself, Rarity could not help but offer her friendly ear to the curious creature in front of her instantly.

"You ponies...Wear LITTLE in terms of clothes, right? Unless during fancy meetings or if we talk about accessories, right?" the now red-faced man mumbled.

"Yes? And?" she prompted.

"Your...' _Privates'_ are hidden unless you need them...Humans can't ' _pull them in'_...so I need clothes to cover myself." _Subtly_ was hardly Buck's main strength unless during missions, but he was not there to kill the mare though.

"Oh…Ooooh!" Rarity, now blushing herself, ' _oooh!'_ ed in realization.

"I can only find fancy dresses...I just need comfy clothes for everyday life...And nobody here seem to have those. I was pointed here because you CAN make dresses from the ground-up, so I wondered if..."

"If I could make something ' _comfy'_ and not too fancy for you." Rarity finished for him.

"Yep!"

The two stood there in uncomfortable silence with Buck randomly clearing his throat and Rarity doing her best to not look anywhere else on his body other than his face.

"...Sorry if I made this awkward." the man finally said sighing.

"Nono! Even if terribly blunt, at least it got the point across!" Rarity said while still looking pretty flushed.

"Thank you. So? How will we do this? I am not a pony." the former soldier asked confused.

"That is not an issue, luckily I once had to help Fluttershy, one of my friends, to dress-up some of her animal friends so I...have...the proportions still in mind..." the mare answered promptly before noticing what she was saying and slowing-down to a crawl as she spoke.

"Let me guess, monkeys?" Buck asked with mirthful eyes and highly amused by the mare's horrified expression.

"I AM SO SOR-"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rarity's ashamed plea went soon eclipsed by the human's thundering laugh as he was moved to tears in a matter of seconds.

"Wha?"

"Oooh! I believed it was only a Human trope having the Alien race define us ' _Monkeys'_! Oooh! I love this, don't worry, I am not offended. If we have to be technical Humans and Apes DO have common ancestors, so it is not exactly an insult if you ask me!" Buck said still chuckling.

"Alien?"

"To me you are, and the same goes for you about me!"

"True..." _Sigh!_ "Thank goodness nopony got offended. Now, returning to the matter at hoof, yes, I should still have the ' _prototypes'_ of those dresses, so using those as a base should not be a problem. But I still have to take measurements." Rarity said looking positively relieved.

"Thank you! Other than my ' _masseur suit'_ I only have my camo gear so I was really getting desperate." Buck answered grateful.

"Let's start then...T-the upper part of your clothes please...Lose them." the mare asked a bit stiffly.

"I will keep my pants on, and I have ' _specific'_ clothes covering my male parts, I won't expose a thing. And those I can draw for you how they are made so I won't take them off either." he said with a reassuring tone.

"Thank you." Rarity answered grateful as she watched him remove his upper clothes to remain bare-chested and gasping at the absurd amount of scars on his back and front.

"Uh?" he asked confused.

"Have you, have you left a dragon chew you?" she asked shocked as she could barely spare enough brain-power to have her measuring tape take the man's measures.

"Ah! Those scars? Noo, those are souvenirs of my time as a soldier back in my world: few bullet wounds here and there, some knife wounds, a couple of burning marks from _Molotov Cocktails_ , one or two scars from barbed wire...Nothing out of ordinary, the newer ones though are from the landmine that SHOULD have killed me but instead brought me here between you ponies, sure I still took some shrapnel along the ride that luckily never went too deep to be impossible to remove, but hey! I am alive!" he answered cheerfully with a thumbs-up.

"A landmine?"

"Imagine a metallic disk big as a dish and with a button on top, you hide it underground and as soon as your victim steps on the button on top it activates, when they lift their feet _**BOOOM!**_ Thousands of red-hot sharp fragments of metal explode on their face soon followed by a huge flare of fire. It is not unusual to see an adult human like me get torn to pieces by one of those." Buck answered with disturbing detachment.

Rarity simply stood there horrified, even just the absurd amount of scars on his back was frightening, but the thought of the alternative being simply getting turned into a red smear was almost enough to have her faint on the spot.

"WHY WOULD SOMEPONY USE THOSE THINGS?!" she screeched.

"Bad men, crazy idiots that believe their ideals to be the gospel of God and ready to kill every ' _infidel'_ that does not follow their ideals...I was part of a group of soldiers tasked with _**removing**_ those things from the battlefield, we were taking those away after the other soldiers FINALLY decided to sign-up some peace treaty so the abandoned mines needed to be manually removed." He answered shrugging and making the paler patches of skin of his scars faintly reflect the light in Rarity's shop for a moment.

"And one of those things exploded on you?" Rarity asked worried.

"Not on my face, it almost got one of my men. Poor boy was a fresh recruit, barely out of Academy and forced to take this mission because the people in charge wanted that field ' _cleaned'_ as soon as possible, you know...For good _publicity_ ; the poor boy shouldn't even have been there in the first place. Once he saw that we had almost done he _relaxed,_ got careless and stepped on one...I saw his eyes grow wide when we all heard that damned _**Click!**_ Noise and watched him stop moving. There is not much you can do in those cases without somebody fully trained in disarming mines working right under your shoe, it was then that the boy panicked." Buck said shaking his head.

"And? And?" Rarity asked as she barely paid enough attention on a sub-conscious level to the measures she was writing on her notepad.

"As I saw the idiot try to ' _Run Away'_ instead of waiting for me and my colleague Johnny to disarm it safely, I did the only thing I could think of: I tackled him on the ground and tried to cover him with my own body and take the blunt of the explosion myself." Buck answered simply.

"W-W-WHY?!" the mare asked scandalized.

"As his captain it was my fault for not checking if there were other mines around, the squad's well-being was my responsibility, so I acted on it. He was still younger than me even if I am barely forty-three ' _he still had his whole life in front of him_ ' I thought, so I tried to save him." he answered smiling.

The young mare was actually at loss of words, sure in her youth she had red books filled with valiant heroes risking their lives to save innocents, but now she was seeing the results of somebody actually shielding someone else from danger, and the result was not as ' _dashing'_ as her books implied, and yet the real thing was still even more awe-inspiring than the fictional version.

"You have been foolish, darn heroic, but mostly foolish." Rarity said sighing as she finally put her mind to her job and properly took measurements, secretly surprised by the fact that she DID also take measures of his legs without even noticing.

"You were working on auto-pilot while listening to me, so I took the occasion to sneak my legs in the measurement." he said smirking.

"Very well played." she admitted amused while lightly slapping his shoulder with a hoof.

"And yes, I was a damn idiot, but it needed to be done. That boy had no place in that kind of mission yet." the man added as he re-dressed.

"If we have to be precise the fault lies mostly on the ones that forced that boy in there and then HIM for underestimating those infernal traps you talked about..."

"Yes?" Buck asked curious at her troubled expression.

"Clothes I can do, shoes though...Those are out of my field of expertise. But I know a mare than can help you with that." Rarity answered unsure while watching his feet.

"Thank you, now that we have the measurements, let's talk about money so I will see how much stuff I can order." he said nodding.

"Blunt as a rock..." the mare muttered shocked.

"Sorry, force of habit."

"I wouldn't worry about money if I were you though, considering the fact that you work in a Beauty Parlor frequented by Princess Celestia herself!"

"Stop right there, I am not seeing a cent from that place."

"WHAT?!" she said shocked.

"Yep! Technically the other ponies working there with me should ' _Teach me'_ how to massage you others depending if you have wings, horns or neither...But I am seeing my ' _Teachers'_ getting a little pushy when dealing with certain customers, so they take most of them and I can't honestly be paid for a job I am not doing. My being a ' _creature'_ doesn't help either." the man answered annoyed.

"They are stealing your customers?!" Rarity asked shocked.

"Yep! Luckily their contract will expire next week so I will have the parlor all to myself, but I am still worried about lacking _Test Subjects_ to see if I am really ready to do it by myself." Buck explained.

"So you never had time to try what you learned..." Rarity said biting her lower lip.

"I have experience, shall we say, with Lyra, Bon bon and Zecora...But nobody else so I am not sure if I am good enough." he answered shrugging.

"..." at that the dress-maker walked a little away and gave her back to the human to cover her red face.

"But you are qualified?" she asked.

"Listening to Celestia-"

"PRINCESS Celestia." she corrected.

"She insists on me calling her Celestia, or _Celly_ ," he answered unsure making the other splutter in shock.

"Listening to her, I am good, but seen how gentle she is, she may as well being saying that just to not hurt my feelings." he finished saying sighing.

"Say..." Rarity drawled-out with a way-too-casual tone.

"Yes?" the man answered with narrowed eyes.

"Just hypothetically, would you be open to the idea of paying me with a full-service massage?" Rarity offered still not looking at him.

"Full service?" he repeated while mentally calculating the total fee with the ' _ **US Dollars**_ to _**Equestrian Bits**_ ' conversion formula he managed to figure-out with Celestia's help.

"Yes." she said.

"Uuuhm...Four full sets of clothes and we are even then." he offered.

"WHAT?! Too much! I offer two!" Rarity replied scandalized.

"Three, last offer. Boxers for my _bits_ comprised."

"Tch! FINE! You humans must be very attached to your money." she humphed in annoyance.

"Hey! You were the one trying to rip me off!" he countered amused.

"I WAS NOT!"

"..."

"...Okay, MAYBE I may have tried that...but just a little!" she admitted blushing.

"Huhuhu! Nice try. Come on, find a table comfortable enough to lie face-down on and I will start immediately. Just give me five minutes to go back and take my oil." Buck said cracking his knuckles.

"And bring some scented candles too!" Rarity yelled to his retreating back.

"Aye, aye!"

 **Ten minutes later – outside the shop – Right under Rarity's workshop window on the shop's back -**

Spike the dragon, assistant of Twilight, saw the ' _Closed'_ sign on the door and knew that the mare was very likely closed in her small workshop in the back of her boutique to create something, so he decided to see if he could _stalk_ - **OBSERVE** her while she worked, conscious that when she was really into creating something she was mostly oblivious of the rest of the world.

It was in fact mere ' _instinct'_ if she could still hear the bell on her door even while working.

So, the small dragon decided to see if he could look at her working from the window as usual, until he could work out enough courage to confess his feelings for her that was as far as he felt able to go with her, and there he was organizing the usual wooden crate he normally used to reach the window to look inside.

"AAAAAAAHN!" and the long, pleasure filled moan in Rarity's voice almost had him topple over.

"W-W-W-Wha?!" Spike gurgled-out as she rapidly climbed the box to watch through the mirror and see the mare of his dreams lie face-down on her desk with her head on a pillow while the infamous ' _new_ _strange masseur'_ of Ponyville was working his magic on her.

"OOOH-Ooh! OOOOH! Uuuuuhm!" and somehow easily ignoring the mare's moans that instead were already drawing the dragon crazy.

 **Meanwhile – Inside Buck's head -**

" _The back, around the spine, is the more sensible part...I guess because it has to withstand the weight from four legs instead of two...I need a Pegasus to see how gentle I have to be around the wings_ _though_ _, I also want to see if the area around the horn is a good place to massage_ _a Unicorn_ _, maybe Magic_ stresses _those muscles too? Massaging mom's legs was easier, at least she didn't moan!_ " the man thought sighing.

 _Arf! Arf! Arf!_

" _...I get it that he is spying on us, but that boy could at least TRY to not pant!...Is he blinking at least?_ " Buck thought curious as he watched with the corner of his eyes towards Spike to see the small dragon do not miss a single instant with his already blood-shot wide eyes.

" _Not my problem, he looks harmless. I was like that when I was younger, so this time the show is on me._ "

 _Fawp! Fawp! Fawp!_

" _...Okay, I can tell by ear what he is doing and why easily enough, and I cannot blame him either considering how young he looks, but it is still disgusting!_ " he thought grimacing as he decided to NOT look towards him anymore.

 **Outside World -**

"Rarity? Miss Rarity?" Buck said with a low voice.

"Uh-hu?" the mare muttered while still looking blissfully unaware of what was happening around her.

"I am gonna try something, please tell me if it is relaxing." He asked.

"You can do everything you want to me, Honey..." she answered with a lustful whispering.

 _Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp! (Speed x10)_

" _Ugh!_ Okay." he answered gagging a little.

Said that his right hand moved towards her horn to delicately massage the skin around it and, to his chagrin, gently run two fingers along its full length up and down.

"Guooooooh!" the mare answered with a bestial growl as she started kicking out with her back legs and trashing lightly on the table.

 _Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp! (SPEED x100!)_

"I guess it means I am doing well..."

"OOOOOOH! SPANK ME! SPANK ME!"

 _Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!Fawp!_ ( _ **SPEED x1000**_!)

"What the!?" Buck said shocked.

"SPANK THIS DIRTY SLUUUUUT!" the mare bellowed as she was, unknowingly to Buck but _**NOT**_ to Spike, VERY CLOSE to her 's _weet ending'_.

 _ **FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!FAWP!** ( **Kaio-Ken TIMES THREEEE!** )_

"CALM DOWN-ARGH!" as the poor ex-soldier tried to calm down Rarity, she kicked back stronger than intended nailing him on his crotch making him fall forward, the surprising lack of balance ( _and the mind-crushing pain of a horse kick to the balls_ ) had Buck fall forward and blindly grasp for something to latch on…

His right hand in fact unconsciously grabbed her horn in a crushing grip while his left slammed on the desk, but only after landing on one of the mare's butt-cheeks with a very loud _SLAP!_ Noise fully describing how much unforgiving strength there had been behind the impact.

" _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"**_ the orgasm, as there was no other way to call that scream, reached volumes never before heard as it shook ALL Ponyville, making Zecora simply sigh and add a new name under her mental " _ **Buck's '**_ **Victims'** " list; Lyra and Bon-Bon instead huffed in annoyance at somepony else stealing their _toy_.

"AAAAAAAH!" a second scream though was heard following Rarity's with barely a split second difference.

"WHO'S THERE!?" the mare said horrified.

"...Just a cat..." Buck said once glanced outside to glare at the red-faced, completely ashamed small dragon that had also fell down from his perch and was already running away.

"..."

Once again they stood in a very uncomfortable silence as Rarity finally noticed the _**HUGE**_ wet spot she had just created on the front of the man's clothes as dripping noises from her desk could still be heard in the background.

"...Two extra orders of clothes if you swear to tell this to absolutely NOPONY!" the very flustered mare offered.

 _Sigh!_ "Have no fear, the room where I give massages is sound-proof for this reason, apparently my massages have this effect on my customers...I guess that is also why my colleagues refuse to let me service whoever comes." Buck answered waving her concerns away with an uncaring gesture of his hand.

"I can bet." she muttered, what Stallion could accept a blow to their pride as huge as another creature having mares scream in pleasure like she did with a mere massage?

" _If just a_ Massage _of his feels like this...Human females must be the most satisfied creatures ever..."_ she thought flushing just a tiny bit redder.

"By the way, feel free to pass by our beauty parlor whenever you want, I will make you a nice discount on the full service, as a thank you for the clothes."

"..."

"...The effect is not as strong as this was if there is not a too long pause between visits." he then added very awkwardly.

"I'll keep that in mind." she whispered shyly.

"Now, can I wash myself in your bathroom? I am sticky." he said bluntly making Rarity's face almost catch fire from how red it got.

"Oh, my goodness!" in her still-pleasure-clouded mind she could barely manage enough brain-power to summon her _fainting sofa_ in time to collapse on it unconscious.

"...That was unnecessarily over-dramatic." Buck muttered with a raised eyebrow.

 **Two days later – Beauty parlor ' _Small Paradise_ ' - **

"Ah'm not sure, AJ!" BigMac said uncomfortable as he and his sister sat in the waiting area near Rarity.

"Rarity insisted in him bein' good, and she asked Twilight for a favour and Twi asked the Princess, Mister Blackbeard will massage ya for free until you recover as the doctor said." the farm mare answered huffing.

"I was worried about it, but her Highness readily accepted...But I can understand why as she too knows him." Rarity added.

"Ah just pulled a muscle!" Mac said whining.

"And if ya want to be back buckin' as usual to impress Cheerilee next month ya need somepony to help along with massages." AJ answered annoyed.

"A-A-AH'm not THAT desperate to show-off..." he answered lamely.

"Say that to somepony who believes ya." his sister answered huffing.

"Good evening! What can I do for you?" A Stallion with a brown coat asked showing a dazzling smile.

"We have an appointment with Blackbeard." Rarity answered uninterested.

"Ah... _Him_." the stallion answered dropping the smile instantly.

"Yeah, _him._ " AJ replied with narrowed eyes.

"I can help you just as well as him if not better, he is busy at the moment as well." he tried saying before a shadow was cast over him covering him completely.

"Daaarn, ya're one darn big fellow..." AJ said impressed.

"Good evening, Blackbeard!" Rarity said with a small smile.

"Hey there, Rare!"

"I will take it from here, Sensible Touch..." Buck said.

"I am here to-"

"I will take it from here." the human repeated bending down to look at the Unicorn in the eyes.

"...Since when your eyes are that cold?" the pony couldn't help but ask gulping.

"I am imagining you as target practice." the man replied with a chilling smile.

" _Umpf_! Beast." the stallion answered huffing haughtily as he walked away offended.

"Sometimes I wonder if his horn was shoved up his ass until it came out from his forehead when he was born." he muttered sighing making the girls cringe at the _joke_ while Mac simply chuckled.

"So ya are mah masseur?" Mac asked curious.

"Yep! You are Mac?"

"Eeyup! And this is mah sister AJ."

"Pleased to meet ya!" the mare said tipping her hat.

"You two remember me my cousins living South, same accent." Buck said amused.

"Good tha hear, Ah guess. So you accepted tha help me?" Mac asked.

"Yes I did. Bring that twisted hoof on my table and I'll fix ya good!" he answered with a thumbs-up.

"Do you think he will be okay enough to buck trees by next month? He and his family are hosting a school trip and he and AJ need to show how it works." Rarity asked.

"Buck trees?" the man replied confused.

"Kick tha tree until apples fall down." AJ explained.

" _Uhm_...if he comes here daily...And if that day he does not over-work...I think that MAYBE we can pull it off, just in case let AJ do most of the showing while you instead speak and explain...A couple trees you can do, but do not over-do or it will take FOREVER for your leg to recover." Buck answered.

"Ah'll keep that in mind." the stallion answered as he was helped by the man inside the isolated booth.

"Ya think Mac will be okay?" AJ asked worried.

"Do not judge Blackbeard by his appearances, he knows what he is doing." Rarity said sighing ashamed.

"Wha?"

"Nevermind."

"AJ?" a new voice asked.

"Oh! Miss Cheerilee! Good Evenin'!"

"Good evening, Cheerilee." both Element bearers said greeting he school teacher.

"I heard BigMac was hurt and that he was here to help his recovery, is he okay?" the mare asked concerned.

"He is okay, Cheerilee. He will recover in a flash." Rarity answered with a reassuring smile.

"Maybe we should-"

"Ya will have your school trip, we promised and we'll deliver." AJ interrupted her with a determined smile.

"Then I will go wish BigMac a swift recover." Cheerilee answered nodding.

"Yes, I think he will...NO! WAIT!" Rarity realized too late the drama as the mare had already opened the door and.

"EEEEP!" and slammed it closed immediately after with a furious blush on her face.

"...Exactly." the dress-maker said groaning.

"Ya okay?" AJ asked.

"OF COURSE! HIHIHI-NO! Everything's fine!" Cheerilee answered sitting near them still with her eyes looking very wide and berating herself as a giggle tried slipping out of her control.

"Ookay..." AJ muttered unsure while Rarity simply sighed and shook her head.

One hour later Mac, he too quite flushed, walked out accompanied by a smirking Buck that didn't even try to stop his laughing fit as both teacher and farm stallion failed to look at each other without turning redder.

"SO! This was the first massage, I will wait for you tomorrow at this hour, okay?" the human asked as if nothing was out of ordinary.

"Yeah." Mac muttered ashamed.

"How do you feel, Mac?" AJ asked.

"Ah'm fine...Miss Cheerilee?"

"Yes Huge-I MEAN! BigMac?" Cheerilee answered.

"Ah'm sorry for what ya saw and-"

"NONO! IT'S OKAY! I _LIKED_ -I MEAN, I DON'T MIND!"

"He was just-"

"I-I-I-IT'S FINE!...L-Listen can I offer you something? Like a drink or something or-or-or..."

"A-AH would like that! But Ah'm offerin'!" Mac said immediately.

"O-Okay! I am thirsty-I mean I am hungry-I mean I like them big- _ **EVERYTHING**_ _ **YOU OFFER**_ _ **IS OKAY!**_ " The teacher said spluttering as she hurried towards the door.

"Soo...He will pass by your place tonight?" Buck interceded greatly amused.

"Tonight! Yes, Tonight is okay! I-I will be waiting for you, Mac and-" _**Thud!**_ As she was answering the mare slammed her face against the door.

"Hihihi! I pushed instead of pulling! Silly me...Hihihi!" still giggling shyly Cheerilee FINALLY opened the door to leave in a great hurry making her giggles faintly echo inside the room.

"What just happened?" AJ asked confused.

"Nothing much, the gist of it is that your brother has a date tonight with the girl." Buck answered sitting on the floor to give a friendly pat on Mac's shoulders.

"Now it's your occasion, buddy! Show her that you also have a nice personality other than a nice _toy_ and you'll hit the jackpot!" he said laughing.

"Ah got a date…With her…" Mac muttered incredulous.

"Yep! And you only needed to get _stiffy_ because of my massages! HAHAHAHAHA! You'll thank me later." Buck answered sounding proud of himself.

"Nay...Ah'm thanking ya now!" Mac blurted-out.

"What do you-WHOA!" the human barely got the time to say before the stallion pounced on him.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"I GET IT! I GET IT! NOW STOP KISSING ME! I LIKE GIRLS DAMMIT!" Buck bellowed as he tried to dislodge Mac as he was keeping thanking him in-between kisses to his cheeks.

"MAC!" AJ and Rarity yelled as they tried to peel the stallion away from the human.

 **Meanwhile – Right outside the Beauty Parlor -**

Very well hidden in the shadows of the apartment building right in front of Buck's massage parlor, Luna the Night Alicorn was spying inside with narrowed eyes and a growl escaping her throat every now and then.

"First my beloved sister, then two mares, the zebra and now the brother of one of the Elements of Harmony...I am seeing a pattern here..." Luna growled-out.

"He is trying to build trust so to befriend the Elements and my sister Celestia...But why? And why is Celestia so adamant in defending this human beast? He even has a stallion sexually harassing him for no apparent reason...I must investigate this..." the Alicorn muttered.

But she could not spy personally, not yet at least! Celestia will immediately suspect she is up to something…Luckily she had the right stallion to use as a spy, her dear nephew Blueblood was used enough to high-class treatments that he will surely discover immediately any form of fool play, and then Luna will pounce on that proof and stop whatever plan that creature was trying to move forward!

Luna was not about waiting and hoping for the Elements to resolve everything like her sister Celestia preferred doing, it was clear that Blackbeard had a plan to fool even the most powerful magical artifact of Equestria! And she will be damned if she will let a strange creature mess with her beloved subjects!

"The hunt is on, Blackbeard! I hope you are ready as I won't show mercy! Bwahahahahahaha!" Luna said erupting into mad laughing.

"WHO'S THERE?!" Buck yelled with furious eyes as he came out from the parlor to look for the source of the clearly-evil laugh.

"Eeep!" the Alicorn squeaked as she hurriedly teleported away.

"...Maybe I imagined it..." the human muttered shrugging while returning inside.

 **Omake – The Aftermath Series: Spike -**

Twilight was worried, it had been DAYS since her beloved assistant Spike had returned in a great hurry to close himself in is room to NEVER get out, not even for eating, and now the Unicorn was really fed-up with this situation!

"SPIKE! GET OUT! NOW!" Twilight bellowed throwing the door out of its hinges with her Magic and FINALLY watching her assistant walk out with dark bags under his eyes and a vacant expression on his face as if he wasn't recognizing his surroundings.

"Finally you got out! I haven't seen you in DAYS!" the mare said relieved.

"Heya Twi...I was...I was...Busy..." Spike answered with a faint voice as he looked around with empty eyes.

"You okay?" she asked confused.

"Yeah, yeah I am good...I am good...I am just...I'll just g-go and check if we got mail..." the small dragon answered while pointing at the door with his left arm that somehow had grown HUGE, almost twice the size of his whole body, and showing lots of well-developed muscles.

"Have you been lifting weights?" Twilight asked.

"No…No...I-I don't think...I-I-I am So-sorry, Twi...I gotta get back..." Spike answered as he walked back inside his room in a zombie-like manner.

"Oh, for Celestia's sake what are you doing in there!?" Twilight said with an annoyed growl as she followed him inside his room and…

"OH GOD IT'S _**EVERYWHERE**_ _ **!**_ " and her deafening scream of disgust was then heard everywhere as she saw the results of Spike's seclusion.

 **Several days later -**

"What do you mean ' _I burned down the Library, it was the only way'_?" Rainbow Dash asked shocked as she watched a new library being built on the ruins of the old one.

"Why don't you ask that to ' _Mister Super Soaker'_ next to me?" Twilight answered bitterly making Spike look down in shame.

"...Have you been lifting weights, Spike?" the pegasus asked curious.

"NO COMMENT!" Twilight yelled in answer.

"Eeep!"

 **End of the omake -**

 **So the second chapter is done, I am honestly impressed with myself for managing this feat! There is only one down-side...I am getting curious about MLP…**

 **I DON'T WANT TO BE A _BRONY_! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**

 **I WANT TO REMAIN A SIMPLE OTAKU! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!**

 **...Please send help…Save me…**

 **Tr230.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am** ** _SOMEHOW_** **continuing this without ever watching a single episode of MLP or even just the intro...Can you write something about a franchise you DON'T know?...Apparently** ** _I_** **can…**

 **If you really need to know what Mister Buck "** ** _Blackbeard"_** **looks like...Google a picture of the** **Rainbow Six Siege Character "** ** _Blackbeard_** **"** **. I am using his likenesses for my Main Character.**

 ** _AND ONLY HIS APPEARANCES! BACKSTORY IS ALL MY OWN DOING!_**

 ** _And it was BEFORE the Nerfing Virus befell on his planet XD_**

 ** _S_** ** _o he is not "Nerfbeard" LoL._**

 **H** **ere is the deal:**

 **Crack story, Easier like that.**

 **Strong terms and Themes (** **I warned you** **)**

 **Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).**

 **We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?**

 **Why? Easy, The secret it's all in the hands.**

 **S** **ince I am basing everything on just what I saw** ** _Sweetmiss_** **write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask,** **I am not doing** **OOC** **on purpose** ** _this time._**

" **You bastard"** – Spells/creatures

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" _Can it get any worse?_ " - during flashback/ Thoughts

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages). **

**FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST A CHARACTER AND HOW/WHY THEY END UNDER BLACKBEARD'S CARE IF YOU HAVE PREFERENCES, THE AFTERMATHS TOO IF YOU WANT.**

 **Chapter 3: Blackbeard VS Luna: Round 1.**

 **Ponyville – Sugarcube Corner -**

It was an exceptionally hot sunday that one, with the sun starting to try fry every pony alive as soon as it came up and never stopping even for a second, making opening shop especially annoying and Celestia give silent apologies for the heat-wave that had been washing over Ponyville for days.

"Why we decided to stay open on sunday too?" Mr. Cake had said whining.

"Do not be a baby, dear. It is good for business!" Ms. Cake answered with an amused chuckle.

"Aye, aye..." he replied unconvinced.

"Is it okay if I come in? Or is it too soon?" a new voice asked as a head peaked inside as soon as the door went unlocked and the sign on it turned on the _**Open**_ side.

"Blackie! Sure, my boy! Get in! Get in! I just pulled out of the oven some coffee-flavoured muffins! And I know _somebody_ who always casually pass by here whenever I make them!" Ms. Cake answered with a gentle, almost maternal, smile.

"Hohoho! Guilty as charged, don't mind if I do take a couple then, I need some breakfast." Buck, the human also known as _Blackbeard_ _("Blackie" for few friends)_ _the Masseur_ , answered laughing as he entered crouching to not hit the fans on the ceiling with his head.

"Must be a pain in the flank being that tall..." Mr. Cake observed amused.

"Honey! Do not body-shame him!" his wife growled angrily.

"It's okay, Cup! He is right, it is a pain, but by now I am used to it." Buck said reassuringly as he sat on the ground while still having the right height to use the tables inside.

"At least use a cushion, dearie. You no longer are a colt, sitting on the floor is not good for your back." Cup Cake answered shaking her head.

"Yes, _Mom_." the poor human said sighing as he accepted the offered cushion once he got himself the promised muffins.

"Please do not give her ideas about being a mommy, the twins are more than enough!" Carrot Cake pleaded with a low voice.

"Ignore him, he is just scared of that kind of commitment, but you know...Those Massages you gave me are helping me make him change idea about it." the mare said winking.

"Yeah, but I immediately regret it the next morning! I am no longer as young as I used to be back in the days." the poor stallion admitted as he limped his way back behind the counter.

"You are no longer a filly either, Cup, you can't ride him raw." Buck said chuckling at her _MASSIVE_ blush.

"OH, HUSH YOU! You gave back the _fire_ I used to have inside and I am darn proud of it! Maybe HE should also come to you once a week during your ' _Discount Days'_." Mrs. Cake said huffing.

As he had started being the ONLY masseur in the small Parlor, to help sales Buck had decided to offer to the first five lucky clients full-service for half the price should they bring a new (paying) customer during said day; Rarity for example had brought with her AJ that finally got to try what both the dress-maker and her own brother declared being a good way to relax.

Mrs. Cup Cake ( _Nee Chiffon Swirl_ ) had been brought to him by Miss Cheerilee once the older mare's back had suffered a nasty hit from her falling down some stairs in her bakery basement, and she had been a steady visitor ever since along electing herself ' _Mother-figure'_ of Buck once learned of his being the ONLY HUMAN in all Equestria and near lands.

Buck sometimes wondered if it was simply her motherly side acting-up with him because she had two babies to look after and could not ' _switch it off',_ but no matter his protests she seemed adamant into being just as nagging as a mother was with her wayward son.

"No offense but I heard what happened to Blueblood when he visited you, and I would prefer not doing that." Mr. Cake immediately said shaking his head wildly.

"That colt always struts around like a peacock and yet lacks proper manners, certain ponies know no shame! And he is Princess Celestia and Luna's nephew too! I can only imagine the shame he had brought on them, if he was MY son…Oooh! He would walk bowlegged for days with all the spanking I would give him!" Cup Cake said grumbling.

"Yeah, damn pervert." Buck said nonplussed as he covered his smirk by giving a bite to his breakfast.

Come to insult his shop, eh? Treat the ' _Dirty Human'_ in contempt and mistreat his helpers by acting like a dick, eh? Believing to be superior just because he and his cronies were of _High Society,_ doesn't he? That called for a lesson in humility all right!

Seeing the posturing moron turn the poor young mare helping Buck as secretary to pay for her studies to tears had resulted in the quite-vengeful Human _forget_ _ting_ to alert Blueblood of the... _Side-effects_ of his massages and made sure the door of his working area remained open so that _EVERYPONY_ inside and outside the parlor could hear him moan (and boy, he did it more than anticipated) until he forced him to sit with an excuse so that he could _flash_ his dong to his friends and ponies outside until he...Let's say _fired_ one of his friends right on the face making said stallion shriek in disgust at the smelly gooey mess turning him blind.

From there Buck dusted the few acting lessons he took in third grade for the school play and somehow managed to have every pony not in the know believe Blueblood to be some sick deviant having uncontrolled orgasms just from a massage; of course the ones knowing that to be normal didn't say a thing to not admit that they too had similar reactions ( _and they didn't like Blueblood either, so they were extra motivated to stay silent_ ).

Celestia spent two days apologizing over and over for the mess her nephew did, and Luna too apologized albeit clearly against her will, while Blueblood was coerced into paying for cleaning and the bothering of the workers in there along openly apologizing himself; even if the looks and gossip from what Buck heard had caused the stallion to close himself in his penthouse in Manehattan to never come out until things calmed-down.

"Now that I look at you..." Mrs. Cake said out of the blue.

"Yes?" the man said worried.

"I think it is time for you to find a nice mare to settle-down, you are not getting any younger." she said simply.

"Really, Cup...We already went through this." Buck said slowly while the mare's husband chuckled at his expenses.

"You always work and work and work, I never actually see you just hang-out with somepony outside young Zecora, is there already something between you two?" she said.

"We are just friends, Cup. And even then, look at me, I am a completely different species...It wouldn't work. With _nopony_ of you." the poor man said slowly while pointing at himself and using the local word to better be understood.

"Those are details. If not her, I know for certain that Sweet Corn's daughter is a very good mare, hard-working and with a nice head on her shoulders! She actually told me in confidence that her daughter finds your beard to be quite the endearing feature, along your deep voice and the whole deal of you having hands! _Exotic_ she defined them, and we both know the effect those have on mares and stallions alike." Cup Cake said with a conspiratorial whisper to accompany the predatory gleam in her eyes.

"Please stop trying to have me hook-up with a mare, Cup! Most of you still see me as an animal, the backlash of that alone would be bad, and young Summer does not deserve that." Buck answered groaning.

"Ignore those mean bigots, if they do not whine about you they would whine about the weather or something else, they will never be happy; and I am not the only one NOT considering you an animal as we all recognize you to be smart just like everypony else! and soon others too will realize that you are not a beast as well trust me." Cup Cake answered without missing a beat.

"The fact remains that I cannot date a mare, it would be wrong."

"You are just scared of being in a relationship! Really, what's with you stallions/Humans being afraid of marriage or even just relationships? It doesn't really mean to be a prisoner! What the hay do your fathers fill your heads with when you are young?" the old mare said annoyed as she moved a cup of milk in front of his face.

"And drink something with those muffins, you'll choke otherwise." she added.

"Aye!"

"If not Summer Corn...There is also Rosemary Leaf, she deals with plants and has a small shop herself selling cosmetic products, she is always pretty relaxed and calm, so maybe she will fix your grumpy attitude,"

"I am not grumpy, Cup!" the human said whining.

"You tend to be when nervous, dearie. Opera Prima then? She is a bit eccentric as an artist, but she still insists in seeing how somebody like you would come out if reproduced on either canvas or marble, you know? You can start as her model and THEN see if you two can be something _more_."

"Cuuuup! Please I beg you, stop this crusade of yours!" Buck begged groaning.

"Nifty Trick?"

"The party Magician?"

"She is quite the looker and a very acculturated mare, she has a doctorate in literature even! So she is smart and pretty."

"She also sticks her wand in her _special place_ when she thinks nobody sees her."

"She does not!"

"I walked on her last time she invited me over for tea and I got there too early."

"Really?! Nevermind then...Ah-ha! Sky Feather! She is a spunky mare with a no-nonsense attitude that likes to fly at high speed and loud music and hates ' _Romantic Stuff'_! But contrary to dear Rainbow Dash she at least _TRY_ to remember she is a girl as well."

"So she is pretty much a _Tom-colt_?"

"Precisely!"

"Still no, Cup. I am sorry." Buck said smirking.

"You are not sorry AT ALL." Mrs. Cake countered huffing.

"No, no I am not."

"Grrrrr!"

"What about Pinkie? She is hyperactive and loves to have fun! She could FINALLY have even you bright-up a little!" Mr. Cake said smirking.

"Do not join the conversation or I'll massage you." Buck hissed with narrowed eyes.

"Eeep!" the stallion answered diving behind the counter to hide.

"Boys! Fine, I will let you walk away from this THIS TIME, but I will help you find your perfect mare, even if it is the last thing I do!" Mrs. Cake finally conceded with crossed hooves and an offended frown on her face.

"Feel free to try if you want, but you won't manage." Buck answered laughing in challenge as he paid the bill, wore back his sunglasses and walked outside.

"I'll be on my way, have a nice day!" he said before closing the door behind himself.

"To you too." Cup Cake said bitterly.

"Honey, maybe you should let him do it by himself." her husband tried saying unsure.

"NEVER!" she replied with a childish whine.

 **With Buck – few minutes later -**

"Hot!...Hot, hot, hot!" the poor man said sighing as he felt his skin burn under the raging sun.

"Good morning, Blackbeard!" a young stallion said from his fruit stall.

"To you too, Pear!" he answered smiling, unknown to him two shadows were following him with less-than-friendly intentions in mind.

"So that's him you want..." from behind the corner of a near house Discord hissed in contempt as he watched the human calmly walk through the streets looking for something to do before opening his parlor.

"Yes, I take that you finally accepted helping me unmask his evil plans then! What was it that had you change your mind?" Luna asked curious.

"It's personal." Discord answered as his lion paw grabbed the side of the wall lightly cracking it.

 **Flash-back – Fluttershy's cottage – under the window -**

" _OH MY GOODNESS! YES! YES! I AM COMING! I AM COMING!" Fluttershy kept moaning and screaming at random intervals as Buck, by now used to it, kept stoically massaging the wildly-thrashing mare under him while ignoring her cries of pleasure._

" _It's just a massage! It's just a massage! It's just a massage! It's just a massage! Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts!" Discord was curled into a tight ball as he kept repeating those words and rocking back and forth while trying to cover his ears._

" _OH, BLACKBEARD! IT FEELS SO GOOOOOOOD! SPANK ME! SPANK ME AND CALL ME YOUR WHORSE!"_

" _Nuuuuuh!" the draconequus whined shutting his eyes tight._

 **Present day – End of the flash-back -**

"Nopony _corrupts_ Fluttershy but _**ME**_ ," the Draconequus growled with a low voice.

"What was that?" Luna asked confused.

"My own businesses...Tell me again this great plan of yours."

"Simple, we capture him, we bring him to the Castle and force him to spit-out his plans for Equestria! He is working alone so nopony of course suspects that he has some plans, but I am not fooled, there must be a reason why everypony likes his massages! MASSAGES, can you believe it?! Even Celestia vehemently defends him as if he was a saint! There must be something behind it, I am sure of it!" the Moon Alicorn said furious.

"..." Discord simply turned to look at her with a confused expression.

"That's it?" he asked.

"Yes! How can you too be so blind?! You are a former Villain! You should recognize somepony evil and rotten like you in an instant!"

"Okay, first off: Buck you. Second...Can it be that MAYBE he is just that good?" Discord answered with crossed arms.

"Did you know Miss Fluttershy too had been _massaged_ by him? And that she expressed the wish to be a regular customer of his massage parlor? A _DAILY_ regular customer." she said with narrowed eyes.

" _Oh, Blackbeard! I AM COMING! I AM COMING!_ " Fluttershy's orgasm voice blared in the mismatched creature's mind in all its mind-scarring glory.

"I am in." he answered growling.

 **Later that day - _'Lunch Break'_ \- **

"God I miss my _malboro's_..." Buck groaned stretching his back as his nicotine dependency weakly reared its head up.

Zecora had _detoxified_ him of nicotine long ago, but sometimes he still felt the need to light-up one, especially after coffee like at the moment during his short pause for lunch.

"Good evening, Blackbeard!" a young mare said as she passed by him.

"Good evening, Miss Fresh." he replied nodding absently as he gave a bite to his vegetarian sandwich.

" _I would kill for some pork ribs too_ _with lots of sauce_ _...My sister may have married that shitty waste of life, but at least he could make a decent barbecue,_ _that was h_ _is only saving grace actually. Maybe I should go hunting again tonight, if I am lucky I may catch a boar or something._ " he thought sighing.

It was in that moment that a very familiar smell caught his attention, something that triggered a long buried memory of his past and had his stomach give a longing whine.

"...Can it be?" _Sniff Sniff! "_ Meat?...Cheese? Is that...A cheeseburger?!" he said in shock as he noticed a colorfull box in the middle of the road he was sure WAS NOT there a minute ago, that and the ' _Free Human Food'_ tiny sign near it.

" _McGriffon_. I swear some copyright law has been triggered here." he said cautiously walking towards the fairly-iconic golden _M_ in this case formed by the wings of a stylized golden griffon.

"Why I am having _**Looney Tunes**_ flash-backs about this?" he muttered as he knelt down to watch the unassuming box better.

" _Closer! Closer!"_ Luna and Discord thought with narrowed eyes as both grasped the rope activating their trap tightly.

"I wonder..." Buck thought as he discreetly looked at the reflection on a near shop window to see a cage hanging above his head that too wasn't there before.

" _There it is! Either this is Miss Pinkie'_ _s_ _new prank o_ _r_ _somebody wishes me harm. If its_ _the latter and it_ _is a Unicorn_ _doing this_ _I won't have much to fight against...Buuuut! I want to try this, if it works it will be worth a laugh, if not, I will dodge, I know its coming so I will be ready...Saint Wily_ _Coyote_ _guide me..._ " he thought smirking as he got up and while thinking fervently that the cage wouldn't have fallen he snatched-up the box with an eager smile.

" _NOW!"_ both Alicorn and Draconequus thought in victory as they pulled the rope as hard as they could, but nothing happened.

" _HOLY SHIT IT WORKED! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,_ _ **MEAT**_ _!_ " Buck thought happily as he walked back to his parlor whistling merrily, right there deciding that the Griffon Empire may just be a place worth a visit in the holidays if there they accepted people eating meat!

"How?! HOW?!" Luna yelled in disbelief as she neared the trap.

"I have no idea." her partner in crime answered confused.

"WHY YOU DIDN'T WORK! YOU. STUPID. USELESS. JUNK!" _**Clang!**_ As the Moon Princess started jumping on the plaque that was supposed to snap the trap the cage FINALLY fell down trapping her.

"I see! So Mister Blackbeard understands _Toon_ _Physics._ _.._ Very well, Human! No kiddie gloves for you then! This small victory is on you, but next time I will be the winner." Discord hissed angrily as he vanished the cage before he too disappeared.

"Wait for me, you buffoon!" Luna yelled as she hurriedly followed him.

 **With Blackbeard – few minutes of blissful munching later -**

"Angus beef, cheddar cheese, seven stripes of crunchy bacon and no pickles...By God in Heaven it was _Perfect_." he said happily as he threw away the box and, with broken heart, immediately washed his teeth just to not make his customers queasy with the smell of cooked meat.

"Friendship my ass, if they really were that friendly and gentle they would have accepted my need to eat other living beings from time to time." He muttered sighing as he saw Twilight Sparkle enter his shop with a troubled expression.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes and no...I may...I may have forgot to tell you something...Something her Majesty Celestia too forgot to mention..." She tried saying.

"Which is?" he asked worried.

"There is a portal-mirror in the royal castle that leads to a world of Humans..." the Purple unicorn admitted with a small voice.

"...What?"

"I tried to keep the secret since I forgot to mention it immediately! Because by the time I remembered it had passed a lot of time, but I felt too guilty to continue staying silent." she admitted sniffling.

"An-And Celly knew about that portal?"

"The Princess was the one to explain to me what that was. I had to go there fixing a small issue about a former student of hers a little while ago." Twilight answered looking down.

"Oh..."

"You are not angry, right? We just forgot to mention it sooner, that's all!" the purple mare tried saying with a weak chuckle.

Honestly, she shouldn't have been surprised by the _**LONG**_ plethora of curses, blasphemy and general furious screaming in more-or-less six different languages he expressed his displeasure with.

He may have then said that he was not angry at her personally, or with Celestia, but darn it if she still felt like dung afterwards.

"It's okay, Twilight. I am not angry anymore." he said gasping a little for air after his rant.

"You sure?" she asked from behind the counter where she was hiding.

"Yes, sorry for my screaming."

"Peace?" the mare proposed shyly presenting her hoof.

"Peace." he answered with a gentle smile as he shook her hoof making her smile a little.

"I take you want to see it then?"

"Yeah, please can I see it? Can I see that mirror?" Buck asked with a pleading tone.

"I'll ask the Princess." Twilight answered nodding.

 **Two days later – Royal Castle – Mirror Room -**

"DON'T GO PLEEEEASE! STAY HERE! REMAIN WITH UUUUS!" Celestia begged latching to the man's leg while crying.

"I JUST WANT TO TELL MY FAMILY THAT I AM OKAY! I SWEAR I WILL BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES!" Buck, veeeeery disturbed by the thing, answered as he dragged his occupied leg behind himself as he walked towards the mirror.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU!" the Alicorn answered with a very childish whine.

"FIVE MINUTES! JUST A PHONE CALL AND I'LL BE BACK!" the ex-soldier answered with a placating tone.

"I BEG YOU, DON'T TAKE AWAY MY MASSAGES! I NEED THEM TO SURVIVE THE LEGALESE TRAPS THEY ARE TRYING TO BURY ME ALIVE WITH!"

"HEEEELP!"

"P-Princess please control yourself!" Twilight said while trying dislodging the distraught Sun Alicorn.

"WAAAAAAAAAH!"

It took an hour for Buck to walk the last two meters between him and the Mirror to finally use the portal hidden inside and visiting the world that was waiting for him on the other side…

 **Two weeks later – Everfree Forest – Zecora's cottage -**

"So it was a fluke?" the zebra asked relived as she watched her human friend sit on the usual tree stump he commandeered as his personal seat.

"Yes and no. It was a Human world...Just...It was like _Equestria's Human Version_ , the same ponies you see here you could find there as humans, even the names were identical." Buck answered drinking the tea Zecora had prepared for the two of them.

" _And on humans those names looked like the planet was inhabited just by hippies_." he also mentally added.

"So it was not your home? Not even similar?" she asked again with a worried tone.

"It was similar on a lot of things, in fact, I used those two extra weeks (accompanied by Miss Twilight so that Celly would be sure I would return) to contact few people." he answered.

"For what?"

"Business." the man answered smirking.

"Business?" the zebra repeated confused.

"Let's say that they were selling some _toys_ I REALLY wanted."

 **Meanwhile – Canterlot High-school -**

"Misz Sunset Zhimmer?" a bald man wearing a clearly expensive Armani suit and with a thick Russian accent asked nearing the red-and-yellow-haired girl.

"Yes?" she asked back with narrowed eyes.

"My name iz Nikolai. I waz told to azk you to give message to Mister Blackbeard." the man answered looking around warily.

"Yes? What should I tell him?"

"Tell him zhat the _Toyz_ he asked for and several cases of their ammun... _Batteries_ vill be delivered here in a month az per our agreement. Vith many zhanks from Motherland Russia. He vill find some spezial _extras_ for free in thanks for hiz huge payment in diamonds and picturez of pretty poniez for my daughter." he answered before walking away towards a nondescript black car.

"...Definitely a weapons dealer... _Meh!_ Smuggling illegal weapons is not the worst I have done in my life, truth be told." the young girl said shrugging before hurrying to History Lesson.

 **Back in Equestria -**

"No real lead in sending you back, then?" Zecora then asked looking at her cup.

"Zec? What do you want to ask? What do you REALLY want from me?" Buck asked sighing while looking at her intently.

To his surprise the zebra slowly walked towards him to sit on his legs, hug him tight and bury her face on his chest.

"...Please remain here, don't go back." she finally asked.

"Eh?" he asked shocked.

"Stay in Equestria, stay here _with me_. Don't go back...Don't leave me." she asked again.

"Zec?"

"You almost died in that world, here you live in peace, you have a nice job and friends, you have _**me**_." she said looking up at him with unshod tears in her eyes.

"I have a younger brother and a younger sister there." he countered.

"And you said you haven't talked in years! Not since your mother...Your mother..."

"We don't have a magical cure for lung cancer there."

"Then stay here! Please!"

"Why?"

"...Because I care about you." she admitted with a low voice.

"Even if we are different species?" the man asked chuckling softly and burying his face in her mane as he finally hugged her back.

"Race is nothing but details, nothing change with either wings or horn or hands or tails! Matters of skin won't change the heart lying behind, even if one is a zebra and the other a human, we share a similar mind..." she muttered.

"..." At that Buck stood a little in silence as he thought about his home back on Earth.

His father was a retired colonel left forgotten in a retirement home too out of his mind in PTSD and Dementia to even remember how to care for himself, his mother died when he himself had turned fifteen and had to be the man of the house and raise his brother and sister ever since then.

And about his brothers: those two barely talked to him because just like they didn't like his choice of career in the Army, Buck himself didn't like how they _**wasted**_ their life living as a housewife with four kids and a good-for-nothing husband working as a cheap car salesman and a brother living as a leech out of their father's pension...Women were non-existent in his life as well since the last one decided she wouldn't wait for Buck to be back from a mission before moving to another man…Maybe Equestria truly was his best option, but he still felt conflicted.

Should he stay? Should he move on from Earth and moved definitely to Equestria? Should he start anew? If they think him dead MAYBE his sister will see some more money to help her along, granted this only if his younger brother will not suck those money up as well...He honestly didn't know what to do.

As his hug grew just a tiny bit tighter making Zecora show a small smile as she snuggled closer to him.

"I care about you too, Zec. So for now, I am staying." Buck finally said.

"Okay..." she muttered.

"..."

"..."

"...Can we...Can we stay like this a little longer?" she asked shyly.

"..."

"...Okay, just tell me when to stop."

"Of course."

The hug continued for a pretty long time, not that either of the two minded.

 **The aftermath series: Blackbeard.**

AJ was bucking trees next to her brother when the stallion once again broke into blinding smiles and giggles while blushing deep-red.

"Eeeyup! Wonderful daaaay!" he sang merrily.

"That's it! Ah need a pause!" she bellowed annoyed as she dropped the bucking to march towards Sugarcube Corner.

 **Few minutes later -**

"Every darn day the same! This' getting ridiculous!" the mare growled as she dropped down a chair to violently attack the slice of cake she ordered.

"What happened, dearie?" Mrs. Cake asked confused.

"BigMac is still all giddy over Miss Cheerilee. Ah swear if he sings again about the two of them bucking Ah will neuter him!" the mare answered furious, too angry to notice the stallions sitting at the table behind her leaning closer to listen.

"Your brother had a _**Heart Song**_...About him and Cheerilee...Mating?" the old mare asked blushing.

"Eeyup! He came home singin' and dancin' about it, every sordid detail and pervert thing they did, he sang aloud and danced 'bout it. Ah barely covered Bloom's ears in time before she could listen." AJ answered.

"It is strange."

"It's that human's fault." the farm mare answered bitterly.

"Blackie? How?" Cup Cake asked making the eavesdropping stallions almost fall from their chairs with how much the three of them were leaning forward.

"BigMac said that the massages always put him and Cheerilee in da mood, then da bucking becomes _legendary_ because they are too darn horny tha think straight." AJ answered gagging in disgust.

"Every time?" Mrs. Cake asked in disbelief.

"Eeyup, he says it makes her keep goin' and goin' like possessed, like she needed buckin' to live; and that his _thing_ simply doesn't go down, ever...Or so he kept singin' about..." AJ answered disgusted.

"MY BACK HURTS SO MUCH!" the first stallion said aloud with wide eyes.

"AND I THINK I SPRAYED A HOOF!" the second added.

"I...I...I LEFT THE BED IN THE OVEN!" the third, notoriously bad at coming-up with excuses, said as the three stallions ran outside towards Buck's massage parlor in great hurry.

"Oh dear, they heard us..." Mrs. Cake said surprised.

"Like hay I care." AJ answered.

"Anything else to add?" the old mare asked sighing as more and more ponies ran outside.

"Yeah, the _Tap Dancing_ number of Mac's song sucked." the other answered.

 **The next day – Buck's Massage Parlor -**

The man was yawning loudly as he made his way towards his shop to open when he saw an HUGE crowd waiting for him.

"HERE HE IS!" a mare said in clear happiness as the horde surrounded him.

"ME! MASSAGE ME!" a perfectly fine young mare begged.

"NO! MASSAGE MY HUSBAND! HE HAS A BROKEN HOOF!" another mare begged.

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE IT JUST TO DRAG ME HERE, YOU WHORSE!" her husband answered furious.

"I can't-" Buck tried saying.

"MASSAGE ME! I NEED IT THE MOST! MY HUSBAND CAN'T GIVE ME PROPER ORGASMS!" another begged in need.

"HEY!"

"Today the shop is-"

"OH, SHUT UP! I HEARD HIS MASSAGES LEAVE YOU TINGLY ALL-OVER! YOU HAVE YET TO MAKE ME _**NOT**_ YAWN WHILE WE ARE BUCKING, LET ALONE LEAVE ME TINGLY!"

"THAT IS SO NOT TRUE!"

"I-I-I am sorry...B-But today is-"

"STAND BACK!" Shining Armour bellowed as he and a dozen guards cut through the sea of ponies to make room for Celestia.

"The Princess!?" the horde screamed as one.

"As I was trying to say: today the parlor will be closed for the whole day, Celestia has reserved the whole place for herself and the Elements." Buck finally get to say.

"WHAT?!" the crowd asked in horror.

"Private party, people! Go back to your jobs and/or houses and try again tomorrow." Shining Armour said as the soldiers moved to forcefully disperse the crowd.

"Also...Cadence asked me to thank you for...you know..." the Captian muttered with a crimson blush.

"Making you and her go at it like drunk monkeys?" Buck asked smirking.

"That. Very much that...How do you do it?" Shining asked incredulous.

"I know that if I go all the way you ponies orgasm, so I learned to tell when that is about to happen and I stop before that; repeat it a dozen times and in the end both mare or stallion are foaming at the mouth for release, then I just point them towards their loved ones...And you do the rest." he answered proudly.

"It works darn well, darn well indeed."

"So I need to schedule you and her again for next week?"

"Twice a month would be ideal, if you don't mind." the stallion answered shyly.

"Talk to the mare at the counter, she will sign you and Cadence up."

"Thank you." Shining answered with a small bow.

"Aaah! I love my job! It gives me a lot of satisfaction knowing I am helping people." Buck muttered to himself while stretching as he prepared for his new challenge.

He had six mares and an Alicorn to help relax and he never liked to do a sloppy job, he had a reputation to defend after all!

 **Aftermath Series: Discord and Luna-**

 **Everfree Forest - Zecora's cottage -**

Both zebra and human were slowly cataloging boxes upon boxes of military-grade weapons, ammunition, grenades, components, Kevlar vests and shields and other deadly amenities that by human laws was pretty illegal to posses.

"You sure you will need all this stuff?" Zecora asked while finally closing the lead of the shotgun shells case she had been checking.

"Most of it it's for mere collecting, the rest it's for me to use to defend the people I most care about...ESPECIALLY the striped wonder I like the most." Buck answered smirking at her blushing.

"Thank you." she answered shyly before growing curious at the new item on her list.

"What's this?" she asked looking at the long object prompted vertically against a group of boxes.

"Aah! That's an iconic one! I bought a few just for fun: RPG-7. It's a portable, reusable, unguided, shoulder-launched, anti-tank rocket-propelled grenade launcher. You can see it in almost every work of fiction back on Earth, just do not touch it, they mistakenly loaded it with a rocket already." Buck answered while looking at the weapon with a fond smile.

"Armed? What do you- _ **FWOSH!**_ " she asked while poking it with a hoof causing it to shot upward making the missile disappear behind the horizon soon followed by a far-away explosion.

"..."

"..."

"...Ops?" Zecora tried saying with a nervous laugh.

"...Well mark that one as ' _very sensible trigger'._ Let's hope nobody was hurt, but, just in case, I say we trust the Russian to give me everything I ordered and hurry-up burying this stuff where we decided so if people ask we saw and did _**NOTHING**_." Buck answered with a pale face as he slammed shut the case he was checking to take a shovel.

"Well said!" Zecora, she too panicking just as much as him, answered as both started digging as fast as they could.

They really hoped nopony was hurt in that explosion.

 **Landing point of the missile – center of the small crater -**

" _Coff! Coff!_ " Luna, her fur blackened by shoot and with the tip of her horn sporting a little flame, coughed as the smoke of the explosion that caught her and Discord fully finally dispersed.

" _Cough!_ I say we take a small pause in our planning..." The Draconequus said faintly as his body comically turned into a small mount of ashes with his two eyes resting on top.

"Okay. Five minutes break." the Moon Alicorn conceded as she too fell to the side fainting.

Luckily exception made for those two pretty-much-immortal beings, nobody else got caught in the violent explosion of the wayward missile Zecora misfired, even if by sheer luck it also stopped one of their MANY nefarious plots against the poor masseur.

 **End of the Aftermath side.**

 **WOOOOH! ANOTHER CHAPTER DONE! I AM JUST SO AWESOME!**

 **AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME JOIN YOUR EVIL BRONY ARMY! _NEVER!_**

 **BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!**

 **Small matters aside, I was asked through PMs the pairing of this Fic...You people really wouldn't mind seeing a Human paired with a Pony? Was it done already or were they anthro?**

 **Please help me because frankly, I find myself curious about this side of the franchise…**

 **I will see you around the Net! Byeeeeee!**

 **Tr230**


	4. Chapter 4

**It still amazes me how much of a positive response this story is getting, I am honestly speechless, thank you for accepting my work like this, it means a lot to me. :)**

 **If you really need to know what Mister Buck "** ** _Blackbeard"_** **looks like...Google a picture of the** **Rainbow Six Siege Character "** ** _Blackbeard_** **"** **. I am using his likenesses for my Main Character.**

 ** _AND ONLY HIS APPEARANCES! BACKSTORY_** ** _AND NAME_** ** _IS ALL MY OWN DOING!_**

 **H** **ere is the deal:**

 **Crack story, Easier like that.**

 **Strong terms and Themes (** **I warned you** **)**

 **Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).**

 **We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?**

 **Why? Easy, The secret it's all in the hands.**

 **S** **ince I am basing everything on just what I saw** ** _Sweetmiss_** **write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask,** **I am not doing** **OOC** **on purpose** ** _this time._**

" **You bastard"** – Spells/creatures

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" _Can it get any worse?_ " - during flashback/ Thoughts

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages). **

**FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST A CHARACTER AND HOW/WHY THEY END UNDER BLACKBEARD'S CARE IF YOU HAVE PREFERENCES, THE AFTERMATHS TOO IF YOU WANT.**

 **Chapter 4: Chrysalis, Rainbow Dash and Celestia. ( _Special Guest._ Starswirl the Bearded).**

 **America - California – Coloma – Year 1852 -**

"Soo...Equestria."

"Precisely,"

"And you traveled from there to my bathroom."

"I actually torn a gaping hole in Space and Time as the year of arrival here is different from the one I started from...But the core of the thing remains that, yes."

"And there are other ponies like you there...All talking and using Magic..."

"Well, yes, each _kind_ in its own way, but we all do use Magic." the Pony with the very long beard answered.

"...I am sorry, I still believe I simply slipped in mah bathtub and I am now bleeding from mah head on the floor." the poor human, sitting cross-legged to hide his privates, answered sighing as he sat on the upturned metal basin he used as ' _bathtub'._

"I can understand you have a hard time believing me...Mister..."

"Jebediah, Jebediah Richardson, but friends call me ' _Jeb'_." Jeb answered.

"Nice to meet you Mister Jeb, you may call me Starswirl." the pony answered.

"So ya need help to get back to pony land?" the human asked unsure.

"More or less, I can re-do the ritual that brought me here, but I may need some time...I hope I won't impose."

"So yah need a place to sleep? This place is small but yah can find a corner for ya too...Ehm...I do have some hay I use for my horses...is that..."

"I do see some similarities between my kind and your horses, albeit it's a shame they are not as smart as us, so I guess your hay will be good enough for me too. Sure some apples too once or twice..." Starswirl answered looking a bit embarrassed.

"Hohohoho! Yah can have all tha apples ya want, in exchange of some stories of yer world, sounds damn interesting: a world of ponies only!" Jeb answered greatly amused.

"You are driving a hard bargain, my friend." the pony answered chuckling.

"Eeeh! You sure know some fancy words for a horse."

"Pony, we consider horse an insult, by the way."

"Mah bad then, sorry."

"No need to apologies. So? My lodgings?"

"Yer what?"

"My bed."

"Aaah! This way, pal."

"Can you...Can you please cover yourself? Your... _horn_ is flapping about."

"Sorry, but ya caught me showerin', it's not mah fault."

In the end, it took Starswirl a full month to recreate what had brought him to Jeb's world, and inside the man's bucket as he was about to wash himself with, making both pony and human topple on the floor of the poor man's hut.

A month in which Starswirl, normally a more close-in studious pony too busy to interact with other ponies, found himself warming-up to the curious Human creature he had met by chance, a man enthralled and supremely-curious about him and Equestria and always ready to listen to stories and anecdotes whenever the pony took a pause from his enchanting.

And Starswirl himself found the human to be something so alien to be simply impossible to not take notes about him and HIS stories, like the tale of how hard it had been for him to even get to America in the hopes of finding enough gold to have a decent life in there, so maybe the fact it took a month it was probably not only because the ritual was a difficult one, Starswirl was loathe to admit that his new-found _friendship_ with the human too did play a nice part in it.

But that was a month ago, now instead the ritual was completed and working.

"So it's a farewell?" Jeb asked looking at the watery portal in front of himself.

"So it seems." Starswirl answered feeling a strange coldness filling his stomach.

"Be good to those two Princesses, I bet they missed yah hard."

"If I did things right, it will be like I never left as I will travel through Time." the pony answered.

"Still too complicated for me, pal."

"Believe it or not, it kind of looks complicated for me as well..."

"Yes?" sensing that there was something missing, Jeb knelt down to look at Starswirl in the eyes.

"You promise to keep my coming here a secret, right?"

"Of course! We're friends, right?" Jeb said unsure.

"Yes we are...That is why I would like you to have this." the bearded pony said using his magic to levitate from inside his hat a short necklace holding a pendant made of gold resembling a horseshoe.

"What's this?"

"A charm to bring you good luck and remember you of our meeting. Please don't sell it."

"Who do ya think I am? I won't sell it! And if I ever have kids my own, I will strip the skin outta their ass if they try to." the human answered looking almost offended.

"Sorry for insinuating, my friend...Now...Now I must go."

"Be good there, pal. I will miss yah." Jeb said hugging the pony tightly.

"And I will miss you, my friend." stubbornly pretending his eyes were NOT stingy, Starswirl gave a last wave to Jeb before walking through the portal that closed immediately after his passage and leaving no pony in sight.

"...For fuck sake I already miss that stuck-up bastard..." Jeb muttered sighing as he wore the long chain the pony gave him.

"...For Harmony sake I already miss that ignorant fool..." from the other side Starswirl looked behind himself with a sad expression.

"Be happy in there, Pal/my friend!" unknowingly giving each other the same farewell, pony a human slowly returned to their normal lives.

" _I just hope nor him or his descendants will ever need the '_ Hidden Extra' _I charmed the pedant with._ " Starswirl thought in dread at the thought of Jeb or his kids ever being in mortal peril.

 **Present Day – Equestria – Ponyville – Buck's Massage Parlor -**

"And with this, Miss Sunshine too is good as new." Buck, also known as _Blackbeard_ , said with a satisfied smile as another costumer exited the massage room with a very relaxed smile.

"My legs feel like jelly, it's so niiiiice!" the young mare purred happily as she paid the due bits to the human.

"Glad to hear you enjoyed your stay, please come again and tell your friends about us!" Buck answered as he waved her goodbye.

"I sure will, honey!" Sunshine answered blowing him a kiss before closing the door behind herself.

"Not interested, thank you." the man muttered to himself sighing as he looked at the stack of papers already accumulating on the front desk while idly playing with the old, worn-out pendant he was wearing around his neck and under his masseur outfit.

"I need a secretary, I can't do both reception and massages. It's already a miracle I can do most of the work by myself, but I need at least two helpers here."

"G-Good morning!" a new voice said shyly.

"Ah! Hello! You must be... _Blueish Hemoglobin_?...Really, Blueblood? Really?" Buck said frowning at the poor choice of fake name on his registry.

"I-I think we started of with the wrong hoof, s-so I was wondering if we could try again. On better terms." the Noble Stallion, wearing clearly fake mustaches since they didn't match his mane colour, said clearing his throat unease.

 _Sigh!_ "Fine! As long as you learned your lesson." Buck relented sighing tiredly.

"I surely did! I am not an uncouth stallion from nowhere! I do have class and very good upbringing, my dear sir!" Blueblood replied puffing-out his chest.

"You also _bukkaked_ your friend right in front of me." the Human replied.

"That...Was a small and unfortunate incident that won't happen anymore, so please, let's not dwell too much into the past, I beg you." the stallion answered blushing.

"Okay, fair enough. Hop on the table so we can start." the masseur answered nodding.

"Thank you, very gracious of you." Blueblood answered looking relived for the second chance as he followed the human to the massaging beds.

Unknown to both of them though, as soon as Blueblood stepped outside the shop once done with his appointment, a shadow appeared from a behind a corner to hide behind a dumpster, lurking silently closer from afar to spy every move of the Masseur so to choose the right way to infiltrate the parlor and get near him for who knows what nefarious plans…

No it was not Luna, the Moon Princess had been _grounded_ ever since Celestia discovered the _hamburger trap_ she and Discord tried using on Buck, and likewise, Fluttershy was giving Discord the cold shoulder for the same reason, thing that miraculously was actually working on the Chaos entity making him behave...Not that it stopped the two from planning the next move inside their heads, of course.

But then, who was spying on Buck now? And why?

 **Small jump back in time – the previous day – Changeling Hive -**

"The attack during the wedding was a fiasco on every account, can you run me a quick check on the damages?" Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, asked while sitting on her throne and looking annoyed as a new round of bandages went used to cover most of her body by a servant.

"At once, Mistress!" the Queen's aide answered clearing his throat and taking a thick folder out of his saddlebag.

"Of the total number of members of our Hive, more than 65% have been lost because of the Elements of Harmony and are now forming their own Hive not too far from here under the guide of our former drone Thorax."

"Thorax? The one tasked by cleaning my personal bathroom?" Chrysalis asked shocked.

"The royal toilet paper bringer, yes. Their Hive name should be ' _The marvelous hive of Friendship'_..."

 **Just next door -**

"I love you! You love me! We are a darn big Happy family!" dozens of excessively-colorful bug-like ponies sang merrily as they flew around their new hive.

"Three cheers for the Magic of Friendship!" a drone called-out even too cheerfully.

"FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP!" the whole Hive chorused before giving start to a new round of happy laughing and dancing.

 **Back to the Changelings -**

"Gggggh!" both Queen and aide shivered in disgust at the image and looked almost ready to puke.

"Thanks but no thanks, our target demographic are teens and punk girls, we can't lose that slice of audience." Chrysalis said shaking her head and gagging.

"That and we actually are the few ' _Ponies'_ the non-brony don't feel bad about watching, being _black_ and full of holes makes us less ' _girly'_." the aide added.

"Precisely. Anything else to add?" the Queen asked.

"Nothing out of ordinary; Ponyville and Canterlot have returned to normal, everyday life, my Queen. Even that strange creature, the human, has returned to his job."

"The human..." Chrysalis muttered as a very peculiar memory flashed in her mind.

" _What the fuck are you?!" "GRAB HIM!" "THEY ARE KIDNAPPING THE MASSEUR!_ _ **KILL THEM!**_ _"_ memories of the battle during the wedding, of her order about kidnapping the strange bipedal guest and the immediate answer of Celestia herself and several guards oozing blood-thirst and rage as soon as a drone tried capturing him.

"That two-bits whorse gave me a bite on my wing! ME! A BITE!" Chrysalis roared in offense as the faint scar from Celestia's biting her faintly tingled.

"It was a surprising response to our attack that one."

"One that requires further investigation, especially if he really is that precious to them. Who do we have that is good at inponyfication?" the Queen asked.

"Probably Pincer, my Queen! He is one of our best in infiltration." the aide answered.

"Pincer, you said? Very well, have him turn into one of the identities we can still use and get near the human, once there I will go ' _Full Immersion_ ' and see for myself what's so special about him." Chrysalis ordered.

"F-F-Full Immersion?! My Queen, it's too dangerous!" the drone said in horror.

"Do not question my orders!" the Queen roared furious.

"EEEK! I am sorry, your highness!"

 **Present time – in front of Buck Massage Parlor -**

" _I am in front of the parlor, my Queen._ " Pincer the changeling thought as a warm and fuzzy feeling encompassed his mind.

" _Good, let me take over now,_ " Chrysalis' voice ordered sharply.

" _Yes, my Queen._ " he answered.

Full Immersion, by momentarily cutting herself off from the Hive Mind the Queen can focus on a single Hive member and take full control, to the point of seeing, hearing and _**feeling**_ what the controlled drone could as if the Queen herself was there, it was mighty dangerous because not only it _blinded_ the Queen from what was happening on the rest of the Hive, but it could also damage the Queen herself since pain as well would be transmitted, and should the drone die...at best the Queen herself would very likely go brain-dead from the shock, if not die herself.

"Now, to see what all the fuss is about," Chrysalis, now fully in control of Pincer's body, muttered as her form changed from that of a male Changeling drone to that of an earth pony mare with pinkish fur and purple mane with green streaks.

 _Di-dling-dling!_ The small bell over the door chimed happily as soon as she entered.

"Ah! Good evening!" Buck said immediately with a gentle smile.

"Good evening, I heard a lot of good things about this place and got curious," Chrysalis said with a sophisticated tone of voice.

"I hope you did, what can I do for you?" the human replied.

"Just letting me give a look around will suffice, thank you." the transformed Queen replied haughtily.

"As you wish." Buck answered sighing.

" _Another stuck-up mare, she must come from either Manehattan or Canterlot, I am seeing a lot of them lately._ " he then thought shaking his head.

"Just call me if you need something." he said as he returned to his current customer.

"Hu-uh."

"...Pretty spartan, not too fancy. Actually, it looks awfully plain." Chrysalis muttered with a scrunched nose as she studied the waiting room.

White walls, black tiled floor with black seats and white puffs, few plants from satisfied ponies gifting him and a basked full of apples resting on the desk at the entrance coming from the Apple family Acres ( _Big Mac was REALLY HAPPY about him and Cheerilee going at it like mad whenever not dating properly, so under her request the farm stallion always saved few of his best apples for Buck)_ , the music though was nice, that much the Changeling Queen could admit.

Vinyl Scratch and Octavia had clearly made a wonderful job in mixing the DJ pony _wubs_ with the cellist mare more classical tunes to create the records the human used in the parlor as a thank you for his massaging them.

To Chrysalis' horror the worst possible scenario though came to pass as CELESTIA herself appeared in a flash of teleportation in front of the door just the moment Buck was accompanying out a pegasus stallion that was walking bowlegged and with a hungry expression on his face.

"Done! Now go find Soarin, you pervert." the human said sighing as Fleetfoot rapidly payed and hurried outside.

"Another one asking for ' _warm-up'_...Really, those ponies can be so desperat-Gueh!" Buck had not the time to fully comment before Chrysalis unceremoniously shoved him back inside the massaging room.

"I decided to try your massages now! Can you service me?" the Queen said hurriedly.

"Okay! Okay! There is no need to be so pushy! I have an appointment with Princess Celestia herself, but I'll see if she can wait five minutes for a quick massage for you! Just give me a moment!" he answered half angry and half disturbed.

"Thank you!" Chrysalis answered as she rapidly moved to lie face-down on the high mattress in hope to not be spotted by the Sun Alicorn, watching in trepidation as Buck exited to talk with the Princess.

" _Is she...Pouting? And why does she keep rubbing against his leg?...Just how much sway does he have on her?...This may be very interesting!_ " the transformed Changeling thought in predatory glee as the human finally returned.

"The Princess was gentle enough to wait for us, so I will be able to massage you, any preferences?" Buck asked as he showed the Queen several bottles of colourful gels Zecora had prepared for him.

"Uhm...This one, as for massage, do your best one." Chrysalis answered uncaring once not-too-gently shoved a pale-green bottle in the human's hands.

" _Stuck-up to the extreme, eh? Very well! I love_ breaking _the rude ones, they make the silliest faces._ " hiding well his very vindictive nature, Buck smirked and opened the ' _Pine Fantasy'_ bottle to smear his hands in a very generous helping of massaging gel.

"Oh! Smells like a forest right after the rain...Nice." Chrysalis admitted in surprise.

"Here we go," the human muttered as his hands moved to the mare's sides right under her fore-hooves, tracing each rib gently with a finger while dragging both hands down really slow.

"GUH!" taken by surprise at the sensation the transformed Chrysalis went cross-eyed before melting under his touch and purring shamelessly.

"Any preferences about the inner side of your legs? Not many mares find the idea appealing." the masseur asked with a low voice as his thumbs drew small circles on the ' _frontal shoulders'_ of the transformed mare.

"Gfgheggfh!"

"I'll take that as a maybe, then." he answered moving his hands on the inner side of the back hooves to massage those muscles to loose the _knots_ he felt right at the first touch.

"Just like with every earth pony, you others have always way more fatigued leg muscles, lack of horn and wings, I guess." Buck muttered curious as he applied just a bit more strength on his massage making Chrysalis kick-out a little in surprise.

"Uhmm, the spine too maybe? You sure are a bundle of nerves..."

 **Back at the Hive – Throne Room -**

"Oh, Gosh!" Chrysalis' back went rigid as a plank as the feedback from the massage reached her real body as well, making her feel each feather-light touch of the human travel on her back and carapace making her spine tingle in an oh-so-nice way.

"Oooooh!" she mewled with closed eyes as her back arched just a bit more and her wings fluttered open.

 _Gulp!_ A near guard swallowed hard from next to her as the Queen's moans were making his standing immobile very difficult.

"Lower! Lower!...Yeeeesssss." the Queen of the Changelings hissed in pleasure as she felt those hands travel to her back legs once again to give her muscles there a nice further loosening, thing that made her REAL LEGS part slightly along her tail twitch to the side.

 _Clop!_ _Clop! Clop! Clop! Clop! Clop!_

"What in Tartarus' name are you doing?!" a drone hissed scandalized with a low voice as his companion soon lost control.

"Oh, Gosh just look at her! C-Can you blame me?!" the other answered breathlessly as his unblinking eyes followed every move of the gyrating Queen while his hoof was occupied... _down there._

"Harder! Harder! I can take it! Don't tease me! Just grab my hooves with those filthy claws!" Chrysalis bellowed soon attracting the attention of EVERY MALE in the Hive making them rush to her throne room with her screaming.

"...Hands, claws, Whatever! Just use them! Rougher! Be Rougher! YEEEEESSSSS!" she hissed as her head snapped back and she started drooling.

"...NO! NOT MY FLANK! IS SENSIBLEEEEEEEEEEH!" the Queen howled in despair.

"S-S-Something is coming! W-What's this?! I-It's rushing out! Ooooooh!"

Unknown to the observing and panting audience, Chrysalis was making Pincer's tail flick higher and higher giving a full view of his fake mare's genitals to Buck making the human, probably too much annoyed by the fourth _flashing of balls/lips_ in a row that day to notice, pull a bit too hard as he forced the pony's tail back down, giving to the Queen's already crumbling self-control the eponymous _Finishing Blow._

"Kyaaah! OH, GOSH! OH, GOSH I AM COMING! CHOKE ME! CHOKE ME! CHOKE ME AND CALL ME YOURS!" she begged as her legs parted fully giving to the present drones complete view of herself in all her drenched glory.

"...What do you mean ' _Not interested!?'_ If I say to take out that dick and shove it deep inside you have to do iiiiiiit! KYAAAAAAAAAH!" Chrysalis yelled in rage, rage soon exploding into a full climax as she tried to force Pincer to jump the human ( _while also dropping his disguise_ ) making him retaliate by forcing the body she was piloting back down with a hand to stop her; the feeling of him holding her down in a very domineering-like fashion made her reach her peak, showering her throne and the few feet in front of her in a thick spray of release mimicking an out-of-control fountain.

"Oh, Gosh! IT KEEPS COMING! IT KEEPS COMING! THE PLEASURE IS NOT STOPPING! AAAAAAAAAAAHN!" she screamed as the flood continued for few more seconds before she FINALLY slumped down on her throne exhausted, too tired to continue using ' _Full Immersion'_ and returning herself to the Hive Mind.

Falling down face-first on the floor while her backside remained on the throne, the Changeling Queen could taste herself on the floor thanks to the puddle her face was in while looking with half-lidded eyes the two dozens or so drones looking back at her with unblinking eyes and... _Ah-hem_ , ' _Tools'_ standing proudly at ready for her, few of them she noticed even looked way more appealing than usual.

It was then that she remembered where she was and, with a very cute blush, she recomposed herself at the best of her abilities while rapidly trotting ( _escaping in a very lady-like fashion)_ out of the room while steadfastly ignoring the loud dripping noise following her every step.

"T-There is nothing to see here, g-go back to your duties..." she said lamely as she caught herself ogling shamelessly one or few drones on the way out, making them _twitch_ eagerly under her gaze thus making her face turn redder.

As soon as she retreated to her chambers, Chrysalis collapsed on her bed panting hard and still looking very flustered.

"That human...Is dangerous...too dangerous…" she moaned out while covering her eyes with a fore-hoof and her heart simply refusing to slow-down with both her _ends_ kept drooling nonstop.

"M-Maybe we should capture him...J-Just to study him I mean! T-T-To copy this power and use it against our enemies and nothing else!" she said aloud as if to try and justify herself for her plans.

A bit of Trivia: normally Changeling Queens do not feel pleasure during reproduction, as for them it is only a matter of ' _the male sticks it in and fertilize the Queen egg chamber.'_ , this evolution-driven difference from normal ponies came from the realization that no mind-fogging pleasure and very short coitus meant faster reproduction and faster growing of the Hive; also the lack of a proper ' _orgasm'_ meant that while the male was occupied with the copulation, the Queen could still properly manage the Hive without being ' _distracted'_.

In short, Chrysalis was the first Changeling Queen to have a proper orgasm in a long time, and she found the thing _**glorious**_...And Addicting.

"Aide?" the Queen panted out.

"Y-Yes, your Highness?" the still flustered aide asked entering the room.

"Have the drones calm down and somepony keep tabs on that human, I have plans for him." she ordered.

"Y-Yes, your highness." the other answered gulping as he could still see her privates thanks to her lying on her back.

"...And send me two males." Chrysalis added with a low voice.

"Fo-Fo-For what?" he asked.

"Take a guess." she answered turning even redder.

 _Gulp!_ "At-At once, My Queen! I will send the best ones."

"You better."

" _Ehm..._ Your Highness? If you are reduced like this...What happened to Pincer?"

"Oh! I...I have no idea." the Queen muttered unease.

 **Back in Ponyville -**

"AND STAY OUT!" Celestia roared as she threw out of the parlor the heavily-bruised and unconscious, the latter because of his orgasm, Pincer for a near duo of guards to take and escort to prison.

"Damn, Celestia! There was no need for that." Buck muttered grimacing.

"Sorry, but he did try to force himself on you, and he had entered here under disguise. I guess I overreacted a little." she admitted looking flustered.

"Want to talk about it?" he offered with a gentle smile as he knelt to meet her eyes.

"Uuhm! I would prefer having you work on me, I feel so stressed..." the Sun Alicorn answered nuzzling her snout on his neck.

"As you wish, your Highness." the human replied with an obedient bow and a more joking-looking smirk.

"Good human." she replied chuckling a little.

"AAAARGH!" it was then that a sharp scream of pain made the two jump and look at the sky.

"Is that, Rainbow Dash?" Buck said wide eyes as he saw the cyan pegasus rapidly fall from the sky.

"She looks hurt!" Celestia added shocked as she noticed the look of pain on the mare's face.

"Damn it!" she heard the masseur growl as he ran away.

"What?"

"She will hurt herself if she falls from that high!" he yelled back as he kept running to try catching the pegasus.

To his surprise the Alicorn's horn lighted-up in Magic teleporting the falling Dash right in his arms in a flurry of feathers.

"OOOF!" Dash wheezed in surprise as her falling went interrupted abruptly.

"You okay?" Buck asked as soon as the mare calmed down.

"Yeah, just a cramp of my wing." Dash answered, taking-in a hissing breath as she tried to fold one of her wings against her body.

"It looks serious, Dash. What were you doing?" The Princess asked in concern.

"Nothing..." the mare answered looking stubbornly away.

"Rainbow _Spring Rain_ Dash, you will tell me what happened." Buck said sternly and making her go wide-eyed in horror.

"H-H-How do you know my middle name?!" Dash asked blanching.

"Your mother is a dear friend of mine along being one of my top customers, now talk or I'll tell everypony about that time you were a filly and took your pacifier and that stuffed-"

"I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" the mare shrieked immediately.

"I-I was trying to better my times," Dash explained as she was took inside the parlor still held securely in the human arms.

"Your times?" Celestia asked.

"S-Spitfire's times had recently got lotsa better...Almost matching mine...I can't let her surpass me." Dash answered with a red face.

"So you tried going faster?" Buck asked.

"I don't understand! I copied her diet, her training regimen, her schedule, I went through her garbage so to use the same products as her and even stolen her pillow so to use it myself! Why my times are not getting better like hers!? What am I doing wrong?!" the pegasus blurted-out in anger.

" _Beside stalking her?_ " Both Buck and Celestia thought in shock.

"Are you sure you are not looking this from the wrong perspective?" the Sun Alicorn asked as she watched Buck help Dash sit on one of the massage beds to look at her unnaturally-stiff wing.

"Like what? I followed her through some specialized papers too! Nothing works!" Dash answered unsure.

"You mean Gossip Magazines?" Buck asked as he finally found where to start.

" _SPECIALIZED._ _PAPERS_ _!_ " Dash corrected him growling.

"If you say so," he answered shrugging as he lightly started pushing on the area where the wing connected to her back.

"What the hay are you doing back theeeeeeeeee..." Dash started asking before developing a beatific expression and lightly drumming on the bed with a back hoof as a reflex.

"I am helping your wing return to normal, you fool." the human answered as he kept working on both wings.

"Eeek! Oooh!"

"When will it finally be my turn, dear?" Celestia asked pouting.

"Soon, your highness. Unless you want it to be a three-way." he replied simply.

"Eeek!" to his amusement both caught the _innuendo_ and blushed deep-red.

"I am man enough to satisfy you both at the same time, you know?" he continued saying with a straight face while moving to Dash' shoulder blades making her hiss and groan in pleasure.

"Please stop." Celestia whispered shyly while using her big wings to hide from the human's eyes.

"Don't you want me to rub your pretty wings, Celly? I still have the sunflower-scented oil you like! It will be slow and tender and I will even whisper sweet nothings to your ear, just the way you like."

"E-E-Eeep!" the Princess whimpered softly.

"D-D-D-Dude! S-S-Stop please!" Dash panted-out.

"Why?" Buck asked innocently as he started scratching behind the mare's ears.

" _Myuuuuuuh_!" making her mewl in surprise as her eyes fluttered close.

"...Do you by chance wish to be raped by two mares?" Celestia asked as she finally resurfaced from behind her wings to show a completely red face and neck.

"Okay I will stop and just massage you two." the man replied snapping his mouth shut and paling a little.

"Very well." the Sun Alicorn said jumping on the same bed and lying down next to Dash and taking a pretty-indecent pose as she looked at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Now massage me like one of your Prench mares." Celestia then said with a hot whisper.

"M-M-Me too." Dash added copying her.

"...Where do I heard that quote before? Bah! Whatever." Buck muttered unsure as the words did sound quite famous, but simply dropped the issue as he still had some work to do and rapidly-approaching appointments, and he knew those ponies could bitch for HOURS if he got late and had them wait too much to be serviced.

 **Meanwhile – back in Canterlot -**

"I am an adult mare! I shall not be confined to The Corner!" Luna fumed and pouted from the stool she had been magically glued on by Celestia so to force her to look at the wall like a misbehaving child.

"Just you wait, Human! As soon as my imprisonment expire I will enact my next masterpiece of a plan and caught you in the act! I will soon unmask your dark plans and save Equestria from your corrupting clutches!" the Moon Alicorn swore as she gritted her teeth in anger.

 **At the same time - With Discord -**

"Hn!" Fluttershy once again turned away as Discord tried to AGAIN have her talk to him.

"This is all your fault, you ape! My revenge will be swift and merciless, you will pay for this." Discord hissed furious.

"What was that?" Fluttershy asked with narrowed eyes.

"You talked to me! Finally!" the Draconequus said happily.

"Hn!" Again, she stuck her nose in the air and looked away from him.

"DARN IT!" he growled as she managed to SOMEHOW evade his eyes even as those literally started floating all around the shy pegasus from every possible angle.

"That must be a mare trick." he admitted impressed as Shy's _**female**_ _ **disappointment**_ was surpassing even his Chaos Powers.

" _Just you wait, we will catch you._ " Both Discord and Luna thought at the same time.

 **Aftermath Series: Spa Twins Aloe and Lotus -**

"This cannot continue! Ve are losing customers for that monkey in Ponyville!" Aloe, one of the famous ' _SPA Twins'_ of Canterlot, hissed angrily as they watched another usual customer cancel an appointment without giving a reason, even if they instead knew very well why she just did it.

"And vhat do you suggest to do?" Lotus asked back with crossed hooves.

"As I see it, zhat _Human_ haz tvo choices: or he closes shop or he comes vorking here for us, I zhall give him no other alternatives."

"Are you zure?" she asked concerned.

"It'z either thiz or us cancelling our inscription to Netflix and our weekly trip to _Le chocolatier_ in Pranceto counter ze lost of money from the lost of costumerz."

"NO! I need my ' _Mare-do-well'_ and ' _Stallion Rangers_ ' epizodes and my delicious Prench chocolate cake! Zhey don't make that dessert here in Canterlot!" Lotus said in horror.

"Zhat and the new season of ' _Sailor Mares'_. Ve have no choice." Aloe answered solemnly.

"O-Okay...I-I can to zhis." Lotus finally caved-in and gave a painful nod.

"It'z for a good cause, zister, it's about the survival of our SPA Parlor and our spoiling ourzelves rotten with unimportant crap. Now follow me, I zaw zome ruffians do this in TV, It zhouldn't be difficult." Aloe said taking in her mouth a baseball bat from behind her desk in their office.

 **Five minutes later – Ponyville -**

"HOW DID THIZ HAPPEN!?" Lotus screamed in disbelief as she and Aloe went tied-up tightly by Buck and dragged outside in front of everypony.

"I get it that I am a danger to your establishment, but hitting me on the face with a baseball bat as soon as you entered was uncalled for!" the human, sporting a heavily-bleeding nose he had been forced to stuff with a tissue to stop losing blood, answered growling as he dumped both twins on the road.

"I messed up! I was supposed to just threaten you into closing shop and come vorking for us and miscalculated the swing! Let me try again!" Aloe answered struggling against her bindings.

"What about _No_?" he answered sarcastic.

"I thought you vould say that." the other admitted.

"What is happening here?" A royal guard, one of the few Celestia had requested to patrol the shop just in case something like this DID happen, asked nearing the human once attracted by the crows forming in front of the shop.

"Those two assaulted me to force me to close my shop, don't worry as I already took care of it." Buck answered calmly.

"I see, very well. You two will come with me, for those transgressions, namely: _assault, black-mailing_ and _damaging of public and private property_ , there is a very nice fine and a LOOONG sojourn in Canterlot Prison." the Unicorn soldier said levitating the two mares in the air with her Magic.

"NO! Anything but not ze prison! Ve are too pretty and spoiled for that! The mares there vill eat us alive!" Lotus begged with scared eyes.

"Please reconsider!" Aloe added looking equally horrified.

 _Sigh!_ "Hey, if I do not press charge, will they be free?" Buck asked grumbling.

"You won't?" the guard asked making the two struggling mares look at him with hopeful eyes.

"They overdid, that much is clear, but they do not deserve prison for that." he answered.

"Soo...Pity?" the guard asked.

"Lots and lots of it," the other confirmed sighing.

"Weeeell...There is an old law we can use to justify their not going to prison," the soldier said unsure.

"Ve will do that! Vhatever it is!" Lotus said immediately.

"Ditto!" Aloe added nodding frantically.

"Okay then, a round of _disciplinary spanking_ and you will be free to go...How many?" the Royal Guard asked to her colleagues.

"...Around twenty, each. I think." the other guard replied humming loudly to herself.

"SPANKING?!" both twins yelled at the same time with wide eyes.

"Either that, or the prison. Back in the days the Princesses were more lenient with _minor_ infractions of the law, we are forcing things to add _assault_ to it, but either way, you must pay for breaking the law." the guard said.

"...Okay, we choose the spanking..." Aloe said as both twins lowered their heads in defeat.

"Okay, fine. Just let's get this over with." Buck, he too tired of the whole thing, said sighing as he took a chair from inside his parlor, and once plucked Lotus from the Guard's Magic field, sat on it with the mare lying flat on his knees.

"You ponies have the strangest laws I have ever heard about." the human muttered looking disturbed as he started spanking her loudly and without mercy.

"Actually...We were supposed to do it...In the privacy of Canterlot Royal Castle." the guard still holding Aloe up in the air muttered uncertain as Lotus started biting on Buck's shirt to muffle her shrieks.

While the crowd watching the spectacle kept growing at each spank, Lotus' body jerked from how hard the human was hitting her flank, ever since she had been a filly she had been spanked only once from her father for misbehaving, and she never forgot that feeling, only now she was reacting very differently from that time.

 _SLAP_!

His hand was landing on her butt-cheeksagain and again in a very practiced maneuver (having four nephews to help discipline had made him quite the seasoned _spanker_ , unknown to the ponies).

 _SLAP_!

Again and again, without pause, without a word.

 _SLAP_!

Only his big, callous hand hitting her flesh loudly, with his fingers stretched wide so to catch as much skin as possible.

 _SLAP_!

She could not scream because of her self-imposed gag, nor pant and let out needy whinnies as she, to her shame, wished to.

 _SLAP_!

"LET HER GO! YOU WON! JUST STOP! VE LEARNED ZE LESSON!" Aloe begged with wide eyes as, unseen by the human, her sister started drooling shamelessly from her back.

Lotus was crying and moaning now, feeling the mounting heat burning on her flank and in the pit of her stomach with each spank fanning the _fire_ in both area to new heights at each hit.

 _SLAP!_

 _SLAP!_

 _SLAP!_

Tears were silently falling down Lotus' face, and at the same time, a long stream of mare juices were flowing to the floor like a waterfall making the watching stallions gulp hungrily as her _smell_ , something that Buck's paper-stuffed and almost-broken nose could not detect, thickly filled the air.

"Should we stop him?" a guard asked gulping loudly.

"He is already past the ten spanks, may as well let him finish." the mare answered without looking away.

The watchers reaction was in fact neatly split in two, depending on the gender of who was watching.

"Oh, Gosh...To be in his place...I would give it to her so hard!" a male whispered whinnying in despair.

"It must be the hands. There is no other explanation why he is so well-liked." his friend replied looking just as needy as the first stallion was.

"You think he will do the same for me if I pay extra?" a near mare muttered licking her lips.

"If he doesn't, I will join you...Maybe if we put our money together we will convince him." her friend answered.

Nopony had the courage to step in, too much enraptured by the show to even think about doing something.

 _SLAP_!

"Now, young lady, have you learned your lesson?"

To his surprise Lotus simply squired a little under him but gave no signal of admitting defeat.

"Miss Lotus?" he asked again as his hand rested on the mare's flank making her let out a muffled coo at feeling him touch her overly-sensitive skin riddled in hand-prints.

Ingenuously believing hers to be groans of pain because of her gag, Buck had the less-than-brilliant idea of gently massaging Lotus' poor abused flank making her eyes gain the sizes of dinner plates and her mouth hang open in a silent scream.

Scared of the mare's sudden rigidity, Buck's legs moved to spread even more, the right knee going right under her chin and the left one moving the opposite direction, roughly rubbing his knee on Lotus ' _Love Button'_ just as her privates were giving a fierce _wink,_ squishing the overly-sensitive tiny bundle of nerves against the human's knee as a result.

" _GUOOOOOOOOH-AAAAAAAAAAH!_ "

"What the...Holy shit! I-I-I am sorry I didn't notice! I beg you to forgive me!" Buck FINALLY noticed what was happening when the _**explosion**_ of mare juices Lotus produced soaked his knee and leg completely, making him understand what was happening.

" _Ehm_...Technically the punishment was us to deliver in a more _private_ setting...You didn't give me enough time to explain." the Royal Guard still holding the now heavily-panting Aloe said with a low voice making Buck go wide-eyed at the revelation of what he just did.

Unable to come up with anything to say to escape the mess, the human masseur _**SLOWLY**_ moved the mare down next to the guards, and with the most neutral look he could plaster on his face, he slowly walked back inside his massage parlor, calmly turned the sign on ' _Closed'_ and gently closed and locked the door to go, very manly, hide in his office right under his desk; his plan was all about leaving the ponies sort out the mess while he tried to not die of shame.

 **The next day -**

 _Siiiigh_!

"Tch!" Aloe grunted rolling her eyes.

 _Siiiigh!_

"Lotus..." the mare warned growling.

 _Siiiigh!_

"STOP SIGHING LONGINGLY WHILE LOOKING OUTSIDE ZE VINDOW TOVARDS PONYVILLE!" Aloe roared in annoyance.

"He ztill haz not called me, you zhink he vill call me?" Lotus asked with a love-struck expression.

"Oh, for buck's sake!" the mare yelled in disbelief as she marched away.

"...You are just jealous because he clearly preferz me." Lotus answered huffing.

"Okay, niet! Firzt off! He didn't ' _choose you'!_ you were just the first he decided to humiliate publicly! And zecond: I am NOT jealous!" Aloe answered indignant.

"Yez he spanked me in front of everypony, but he then apologized."

"HE SPANKED YOU! IN THE MIDDLE OF ZE STREET!"

"And he apologized. I bet he iz just now thinking about how to make it up to me, like vith some flovers or a romantic dinner somevhere nice." the other answered nonplussed.

"HE IS A DIFFERENT SPECIES!" the mare shrieked.

"Love alvays triumphs, even vith different species." Lotus answered without missing a beat.

"Miss Lotus? I have a delivery for you, from Ponyville." a courier Stallion said entering the Twins' SPA Parlor with a GIANT bouquet of flowers.

"For me?" the mare said with a victorious smile as her sister looked in shock at the sheer size of the thing.

"Mister Blackbeard asks again for forgiveness about...' _The Incident',_ and hopes this will be a good-enough start." the courier answered depositing the titanic composition of flowers right outside the door as it couldn't possibly fit inside the SPA Parlor.

"Zhank you. Pleaze be a dear and tell him I vill consider it zhould he accept to meet me here for a formal dinner tonight." Lotus answered smugly.

"...I do live in Ponyville, so I can do that once finished my round of deliveries, no problem." he answered shrugging.

"Zhank you." the mare answered looking as the stallion left shaking his head at the whole situation.

"Az I was saying, he waz looking at a way to apology. Now if you excuze me, I must go get ready, I do have a romantic dinner to plan out." Lotus said taking a single rose from the several dozen in the bouquet and wearing it in her mane before trotting away.

"Juzt so you know, I plan to be spanked again, zhen to massage him and then...Vell...We'll see how things progress from zhere." Lotus said with a telling smile before trotting away.

"...I am not jealous. Absolutely." Aloe muttered defiantly while looking at the flowers with a longing expression.

"You sure, boss?" one of the Twins' helpers asked confused.

"BE QUIET!" she roared back with a red face.

"EEEP!"

 **With Buck -**

"...You sure that was the right thing to do?" Buck asked unsure.

"You did overdo in your revenge." Zecora answered.

"True, you think she will accept my apologies?"

"I hope so, but what you did was terrible, so I expect her to take a while before forgiving you...You should really learn to be less vindictive."

"You are right." the human admitted sighing ashamed.

He felt like shit, and he knew Lotus was downright hating him at the moment, he was sure of it!

 **The aftermath series: Buck – Looking for interns -**

"So, do you have any organization skills, Miss?" Buck asked to the mare that applied to his ' _Helper Needed'_ ad on the Equestria Daily newspaper.

"Well, I DID organize a sort of coup against the Four Alicorn Princesses in the name of the Storm King." the mare admitted blushing slightly.

"How can somebody organize a _Sort of Coup_? And where was I during that then? I completely missed it!" Buck answered confused.

"Bed ridden because allergic to my new experimental blend of tea, remember?" Zecora supplied helpful from the side.

"Oooh! Yeah, don't remind me, I thought my stomach was trying to digest itself." Buck answered grimacing.

"Well, I kind of switched sides at the end...You know? Power of Friendship and all that." the mare answered.

"Yep, the locals here kind of live on that belief." Buck admitted unsure.

"You are not a believer?"

"Meh! I am still a bit on the fence about that, I blame where I come from." the human answered unsure making the mare's smile grow a bit more.

"Same here...And thank you for not commenting on my lack of horn, it's a sore spot." she admitted looking down.

"Hey! You didn't comment on my having hands or looking like a strange monkey like every pony does the first time they meet me, it's common courtesy for me to hold my tongue on your personal matters." he answered giving a thumbs-up.

"...So I get the job?" she asked hopeful.

"I am actually surprised you even applied as nobody else did, and you DO have cool name, I mean, ' _Tempest Shadow'_? That is awesome! And your credentials too are nice as well." Buck admitted.

"If you attack Four beloved Princesses and the famous Element Bearers, almost kill a lots of ponies, terrorize half the planet and side with a megalomaniac power-hungry monster...most ponies do have second thoughts about hiring you." Tempest admitted with a tiny smile.

"In hindsight." the human admitted.

"And my true name would be ' _Fizzlepop Berrytwist_ '..." she then said making him and Zecora snort.

"Yeah, please stick to Tempest Shadow." she asked snarling.

"Okay, Tempest. Welcome onboard." Buck answered shaking hoof with the mare.

"Glad to be part of the staff, boss." she answered smiling.

 **The Next day -**

"Welcome to the ' _Small Paradise'_ Massage parlor! Do you have an appointment?" the mare asked with a gentle smile as she sat behind the desk at the entrance while wearing a blue shirt similar to Buck's.

"AAAAAH! TEMPEST SHADOW!" the newcomer screamed scared.

"Well, yes. Do you have an appointment?" she asked again with her smile faltering a little.

"AAAAAAAH! YES! MISS SCATTERBUG!" the other answered still screaming scared.

"Then please take a seat, Mister Blackbeard will be free in a minute and massage you."

"AAAAAAAAH! THANK YOU!"

"Can I offer you some juice while you wait?"

"AAAAAAAH! YES! VERY GRACIOUS OF YOU!"

 _Siiip!_ "AAAAH! THIS JUICE IS DELICIOUS!"

"Thank you...I did it myself..." Tempest answered unsure.

" _You can do it, Tempest!_ " Both Buck and Zecora thought as they spied the poor mare from behind a corner.

 **Pretty unsure about this chapter, especially the Omake, that takes place a bit further in the future compared to the rest of the story.**

 **Any other mare you wish to see massaged? Because I was half of the idea of having Pinkie's sisters next, I was told it would be interesting to do them.**

 **As for Tempest Shadow...I love dedicated Wikias, I can get all the info I need (In incognito mode) without being forced to go see the movie!**

 **To the next update! Bye byeee!**

 **Tr230.**


	5. Chapter 5

**It still amazes me how much of a positive response this story is getting, I am honestly speechless, thank you for accepting my work like this, it means a lot to me. :)**

 **If you really need to know what Mister Buck "** ** _Blackbeard"_** **looks like...Google a picture of the** **Rainbow Six Siege Character "** ** _Blackbeard_** **"** **. I am using his likenesses for my Main Character.**

 ** _AND ONLY HIS APPEARANCES! BACKSTORY_** ** _AND NAME_** ** _IS ALL MY OWN DOING!_**

 **H** **ere is the deal:**

 **Crack story, Easier like that.**

 **Strong terms and Themes (** **I warned you** **)**

 **Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).**

 **We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?**

 **Why? Easy, The secret it's all in the hands.**

 **S** **ince I am basing everything on just what I saw** ** _Sweetmiss_** **write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask,** **I am not doing** **OOC** **on purpose** ** _this time._**

" **You bastard"** – Spells/creatures

"Let's finish this" - dialogue

" _Can it get any worse?_ " - during flashback/ Thoughts

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages). **

**FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST A CHARACTER AND HOW/WHY THEY END UNDER BLACKBEARD'S CARE IF YOU HAVE PREFERENCES, THE AFTERMATHS TOO IF YOU WANT.**

 **Chapter 5: Maud Pie and Limestone Pie.**

 **Changeling Hive – Queen personal chambers -**

As Chrysalis, Queen of the Changeling, entered her personal bedroom, the culmination of her latest plan of Revenge against Celestia smiled back at her with the full weight of his submission to her.

And just a _TIIIIIIIIINY_ bit of brainwashing, just to be sure.

"Your Highness."

"My dear pet, finally free of the _stench_ of those ponies and their pathetic _Princesses_ , isn't it? finally where you truly belong and where you will really matter." Chrysalis said as she sauntered to her bed to lie face-down on it.

"Now get to work. I am stressed and I need _relief_." she ordered with a very surprising half-lidded look on her eyes as Buck, also known as _Blackbeard_ , started to work on her back.

"Yes, your Highness."

"Uuuhm! Luckily hypnosis has not hampered your talent, my pet." she mewled happily as his fingers trailed oh-so-nicely on her shoulders and wings.

"Yes, your Highness." the human droned with vacant eyes.

"My-OOOH, GOODNESS! My Magic will keep you young, have no Fe-BUUUUUCK! Have no fear, you'll be able to Ma-Ma-MAAMAAAAAAA!...Massage me for eternity." the Changeling Queen said in-between moans and climaxes.

"Yes, Your Highness." the masseur answered again.

"Now though... _Lower._ " the insect-like mare said with a hot tone that would have had even slugs _harden_.

"Yes, Your Highness."

"...Not with your hands."

"Yes, Your Highness." Buck answered unbuckling his pants.

"Yes! T-THERE! THEREEEE! HARDER! HARDEEEEEEEER!"

"Your Highness?" a new voice said making the scene break like glass.

 **Real world – Chrysalis' bedroom -**

"Your Highness?" the Changeling Queen aide asked entering the room.

"GAH!" Chrysalis yelled with wide eyes as she looked at the shocked aide in horror.

"Ehm...We all were hearing... _Noises,_ and so I tried to see what was happening...And then I saw-"

"You saw nothing!" the Queen ordered with a very red face.

"Yes your Highness! I didn't see you masturbate, your Highness!" the aide said hurrying out.

"...Maybe I have a small problem, but nothing too serious...Nothing I can't fix with some ponynapping at least." the Changeling Queen muttered to herself shyly.

 **Meanwhile – Ponyville – Buck's massage parlor -**

Buck, the real one this time, was giving the finishing touches to Twilight Sparkle's new wings while passing with two fingers some lavender-scented oil on her primaries using a very gentle touch.

"Let me tell you in all honestly that these wings Celestia gave you suit you darn well," the human said with a low voice to not upset the quiet atmosphere in the room.

"T-T-T-T-Thank youuuuuuuu." Twilight gave a long draw-out moan in answer.

 _Sigh! "Be strong Buck, someday you'll have a pony that won't have a fucking orgasm from a massage, just have faith._ " the man thought sighing in defeat as he gave the last touch to the mare's tail while passing a soft brush on it to smooth its hair.

"...And we are done." he said moved slightly back to let her get up.

"Already?" Twilight asked whining.

"You paid for the hour-long one, Twilight." Buck answered chuckling.

"Aww." she moaned pouting.

"Huhuhu! You can always return tomorrow." he answered helping her descend from the mattress.

"Okay, okay. I heard you will go to the _Rock Farm_ of Pinkie's family, is that true?" Twilight asked as she calmly and a bit clumsily folded her new wings.

"She insisted quite a lot," he answered shrugging.

"Need some help? They are quite different from Pinkie."

"Few tips would be appreciated then, yes. I met only Maud and she felt...Distant?" Buck tried saying.

"I wouldn't call it being distant, she seems to be just very reserved, if you pass by my Library before going there I will give you a rapid run-down of what you'll be dealing with." Twilight said with a gentle smile.

"Thank you, Twilight. I'll be there then once done with my appointments." the human answered grateful as he opened the door for her just to see Celestia herself eagerly awaiting her turn.

"P-Princess!" Twilight said in surprise.

"Here I am, Celly, all for you." the man said smiling at his best customer.

"Hello, Twilight! Adjusting well to my gift?" the Sun Alicorn asked.

"Yes, your Highness!" the mare's student answered nodding.

"Good to hear, you earned it, my beloved student." she replied nuzzling the smaller pony a little making her blush dark red.

"Want me to leave you two alone?" Buck asked smirking.

"Eeeep!" Twilight mewled in surprise with her face turning even redder.

"What a silly human you are, please do not embarrass poor Twilight, be gentle." Celestia answered with a short burst of musical laugh, she also playfully booped him on the nose with a wing as she passed by him while entering.

"As her Majesty desires." he answered with a very deep bow.

"Huhuhu! Just like every stallion, you others remain colts at heart." she said shaking her head.

"I will meet you later, Twilight."

"Yes, yes...Smart-flank." the purple Alicorn muttered huffing annoyed by his jab as she walked away.

"Now, I think it's time for you to get to work, my beloved masseur." Celestia whispered making the lights in the room dim down a lot.

"You shouldn't play with my lights, I have my own setting for that." Buck answered passing Celestia's favourite oil on his hands and starting the massage by _attacking_ her neck.

"Uuuhm! There...Just there..." the Sun Princess said moaning with a low voice.

"Yes, Your Highness." the masseur answered sighing.

"Ooooh!" the mare groaned in pleasure as her back legs lightly kicked back.

"Your wings now?"

"Those later. Now though... _Lower._ " the mare said with a hot tone that would have melted iron.

"Yes, Your Highness." the man answered with his shoulders slumping down just a little in defeat.

" _Maybe one day..."_ he thought wishfully.

 **Later that day – Igneous Rock's _Rock Farm_ \- **

"This should be the place...I think." the man said as he reached the place, especially surprised since it was indeed a farm, only with well kept terrain not growing stuff but with rocks of every shape and size scattered around like on a display.

"A rock farm, how does it work actually?" he muttered unsure.

"That is quite easy, I can assure you." a new voice said as an old stallion walked towards him from behind a quite-impressive grey rock twice as big as Buck's whole body.

"Good evening, Igneous Rock, I presume?" the human said presenting his hand.

"Indeed, but please just call me Igneous. You must be that human fellow, Blackbeard. Yes?"

"Precisely."

"So my daughter asked you to come over." the stallion said simply while motioning the other to follow him back to his home.

"Pinkie has...' _Ways'_ to talk humans and pony alike into accepting her requests." Buck admitted sighing.

"Ways?"

"She started to sing, like, again and again. All nice songs about me coming here to massage her sisters, mind you...But it gets tiring after a while." he admitted.

"I can guess, especially since you have to interrupt what you are doing and join."

"...No?" Buck said making Igneous stumble a little.

"No? Weren't those _**Heart Songs**_?"

"Yeah, but I never join those." the human said shrugging.

"Never, never?"

"Yep!"

"...How?"

"Beats me, listening to Twilight it may be because I am ' _Magically Dead'_ , no Magic Juices inside my ol' bones...So there is nothing for those _**Heart Songs**_ to latch on to make me join." he answered apologetic.

"Oh!...That must be very awkward." Igneous admitted.

"You have no idea."

Indeed it was, and considering everyday in Ponyvile there were AT LEAST four _**Heart Songs**_ going off during the day, with Pinkie herself being the biggest provider, it was nothing new for Buck to find himself in the middle of a Broadway style dance number while still holding groceries and surrounded by ponies jumping around and singing merrily with even fireworks going off randomly. He had long since learned to dodge dancers and the like while stealthily walking away without catching attention, but the awkward feeling of being like one of the crew guys getting caught on camera during the filming of some Musical was still quite vivid nowadays, especially if dancing or not, the other ponies WERE looking at him just in case it was HIS cue to start sprouting notes or jump into some dashing dance moves.

Thing that won't happen even if it will be the only thing able to save his life, Buck wished to reply.

"Well, I think it's a pity. You should try at least once, nopony ever died joining-in...Unless the Song was about just that."

"What did you sa-"

"So you are a masseur?" Igneous asked interrupting him.

"Yes." the human said with narrowed eyes.

"Interesting. Never be said that a rock never needs some polishing, so if Pinkie thinks your massages can be good for my daughters, I am open to give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Glad to see you trust me this much."

"I am used to see unusual sights around here, and I know rocks can be of any kind, so even if you are not a pony I can't see why you can't be as good as one. You are a hard worker, that too helps."

"Thank you, Mister Igneous."

"No Mister, it makes me feel old like basalt."

"...Okay."

"A rock farm like mine produces annually one hundred and twenty-five different kinds of rocks that are then bought by the citizen of Ponyville for their everyday life...Carrara Marble."

"What?" Buck asked confused.

"Your parlor's pillars are made in Carrara marble, I personally made the delivery when Princess Celestia asked us for some." the stallion explained.

"I am sorry if it was a bother." the human said with a sorry expression.

"Not a bother, but simply a job well done. Being sorry for somepony else doing their job means worrying about useless marbles, thus a waste of energy one should use to instead work better. My nephew in Neighrope answered to my call and sent the stone because it is our family call, so it was not a bother, but a pleasure since I have not enough excuses to hear from them how things are oversea." Igneous answered proudly.

"Glad to hear that...So...You ' _grow'_ a lot of stones here. I am glad work is never lacking." Buck said unsure.

"Thank you and yes, the Princesses bestowed us with a year of great production." Igneous answered.

" _The_ _y_ **grow** _rocks. To be honest, after living surrounded by magical ponies, dragons and whatnot, this being possible should not surprise me this much, all thing considered._ " the masseur thought to himself.

"Ah! Here comes my wife, Quartz." the stallion said as a new mare reached the two on the door to keep it open for the two of them and invite them inside.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance." the mare said with a small, austere smile.

"And I am honored to be your guest, I hope I am not interrupting you by coming here." Buck answered with a small bow.

"We decided to concede this little levity to our girls in virtue of their hard work as of late, just please, don't do anything improper." Quartz answered.

"I'll do my best, miss."

" _Those two are as_ Amish _as you can get without going full '_ Parody' _...and the other three girls are similar._ _How_ _did somebody like_ **PINKIE PIE** _come from here?_ " the Human thought in barely-concealed shock while he was led to four waiting mares, the only one looking out of place in the quite somber-looking (and brown-palette-coloured) picture was Pinkie herself showing a wide smile as the only spot of pastel colour in the ensemble.

"HI BLACKIE!"

"Hi there, pink menace." Buck answered bumping her hoof with his closed fist.

"So it's him?" one of the other three asked with a scrunched nose.

"Oh, joy! You must be Limestone. Very sharp eyes." the masseur replied rolling his eyes.

"What do you mean?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

"Last time I checked, I was the only human around here." he countered smirking.

"Tch! What if I thought you were just a monkey then?" the young mare huffed haughtily in answer.

" _You'll be first. Just to remember that I have a mean/revengeful side as big as a cruiser._ " Buck thought.

"Nice to meet you." the second one of Pinkie's sisters said with a monotone.

"Miss Maud Pie, then? Nice to meet you, nice pet rock. Looks sharp, is it yours? Or is Limestone's?"

"...That would be mine, his name is Boulder. Limestone has not enough patience to own one." Maud slowly looked behind herself and at the small rock resting on a near shelf before answering without EVER changing expression from her neutral one.

"Figures!"

" _I don't want to wonder about Pinkie and adoption, but there are not making it easy on me..._ "

"..." the third sister simply stood aside in silence and looking down the ground.

"Hey. You must be Marble, it's a very cute name." Buck said with a low and gentle voice as he knelt down in front of the mare.

"Uh-hmm," Marble answered with a tiny nod.

"You don't have to be massaged if you don't want to." he said smiling.

"You okay, Blackie?" Pinkie asked curious as he seemed to be lost in thought.

"Oh, just remembering my niece back home. Little Angie used to be a small shy thing just like Marble." the man answered with a long sigh.

"Where is she now?" Igneous asked.

"Back in my world, I never had the chance to say goodbye when I ended here, so I have left few unfinished businesses back home, but I am sure my sister will raise her daughter properly, I was just momentarily caught into memories. Nothing to worry about." the human answered immediately getting up to turn the table the family prepared for him into a massaging table.

"..." it was then that he felt something gently pull on his pants.

"Yes?"

"Hmm...I...Hmmm." Marble muttered lowly with her eyes flicking to the table for an instant.

"Want to try?" he asked chuckling.

"Hm-mmh."

"Okay, Marble." Buck answered nodding and petting her head, making her let-out a faint ' _Eep!'_ and scamper to hide behind her mother.

"She seems to like you, it's a good start." Quartz proclaimed nodding.

"Good to know...Now...Limestone..." Buck said with a barely-hidden predatory glint in his eyes.

"Yes?" the mare replied huffing.

"Wanna be first?"

"Hn! Just be quick." she replied hopping on the table to lie face-down.

"Pinkie?"

"Yes, daddy?"

"Why your friend is using a plastic sheet? Is it not uncomfortable to lie on it?" Igneous asked curious.

"Blackie is very good at massages, but somepony always overdoes and he is forced to act accordingly." Pinkie answered.

"I can understand, but even drooling so much to require plastic sheets." the stone farmer muttered unsure.

"The new generations do not know manners, dear." the stallion's wife replied shaking her head in sadness.

"So! Any preferences?" Buck asked showing several bottles.

"This one, and I hope you are really that good, Pinkie insisted a lot for us to try." Limestone answered picking a bottle.

"Oh! Wheat scent, curious choice. And have no fear, yours will be free of charge, to thank your father for the marble."

"I cannot accept, at least Maud and Marble we'll pay for. Like this we'll be both satisfied." Igneous countered.

"As you wish...Now Limestone...Let's start." the Human accepted as his hands started undoing the _knots_ on Limestone's upper shoulders.

"Uoooooh!" thing that, as expected, drew out a long guttural moan from her.

"LIMESTONE!" Quartz said scandalized.

"Ehm, is your daughter a bit sensitive, Mister Igneous?" Buck asked mimicking a concerned tone.

"Just continue, Mister Blackbeard, I am sure Limestone didn't mean to make a scene." the stallion replied nailing his daughter with a glare.

"Y-Y-Yes." the mare mewled-out as the hands returned to lightly trail on her spine.

"O-O-Oh Gosh!" unable to stop the new gasp, Limestone kept moving her tail around as she felt her muscles melt under his touch while the human stoically continued his work.

"Contain yourself, daughter, please!" Igneous asked sighing.

"E-E-E-EASY for you to Saaaaaaaa-AAAAAAAHN!" as soon as Buck started massaging her back legs Limestone's tail went lifted all the way up and a thin squirt left her privates wetting the sheets, it was mere luck that the man's body covered her climax otherwise she feared what would have been her father's reaction.

"Are we pent-up, Limestone?" Buck asked smirking as he leaned closer to her head to whisper.

"Aren't-aren't you going to...you know...i-inside." Limestone whispered back with a very red face.

"I am a masseur, not a gigolo. Just relax." he answered patting her head as he now started getting a bit more rough on her back forcing her to bite down on a hoof.

"Just relax, they can't see." he said in a bit of pity.

"C-C-Cover it."she begged as a second climax tore through her with a new tiny squirt of mare juices.

The scented oil had a double meaning, not only to help the customer relax but to cover their scent should he or she ' _present'_ because of the massage, Buck had enlisted Zecora's help to come up with the formula after his first home visit, poor Rose Luck had been forced to play host to her mother barely an hour after her massage and explaining why her house smelled like THAT had been hard for her, thus Buck decided to help his poor " _Victims"_ hide their small moments of shame.

And it also secretly helped Buck, it may have been mere getting used to it or even the lack of _human_ girls around, but even him had started noticing the various mares scent and the different nuances each one possessed, and he preferred not getting too distracted during his job, or be tempted.

"Almost done, keep it together." the human muttered as he focused on the mare's left side to cover two other spurts of juices.

"O-Oooh!" Limestone tiredly moaned as she kept having a climax after another for the whole hour of massages, making her devolve into a barely-coherent mess.

"Limestone looks very relaxed, he is good." Quartz admitted at seeing the serene, almost dumb, smile her daughter now sported.

"Maybe I should try it one of these days." Igneous muttered in answer, and actually missing Pinkie's horrified expression as he said that.

"Me too." his wife added making the pink party pony gag in disgust.

"Are thou okay, pinkie?"

"Fine! I am okay!" she answered with a forced smile.

"B-B-Black..."

"Yes?" Buck asked worried.

"A-A-A big one...Coming..." Limestone panted out scared.

"Uh-oh." the human paled in horror.

"Father somepony is stealing our rocks." Maud said pointing outside.

"WHAT!? DON'T YOU DARE COMMIT SUCH FELONY!" Igneous and Quartz yelled at the same time as they ran outside.

"Go, sister." the mare then said nonplussed.

"P-P-Pull my tail, P-P-PLEASE!" Limestone begged.

 _Sigh!_ "Fine." sighing in self-loathing, Buck did as asked and roughly pulled on the mare tail.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" making her let out a beastly roar as her backside exploded in a thick spurt of female-scented pleasure.

"...So your parents noticed?" Buck asked curious.

"No, me and Marble just have a very sensible nose." Maud answered.

"I see, sorry."

"No need, she needed that." she replied.

"Oh, Gosh! Oh, Gosh! Oh, Gosh!...Mating feels like this?" Limestone asked as she was helped descend from the table so that she could wobble towards Pinkie.

"No." Maud answered as she waited for Buck to change sheets for her to lie down on.

"So you?" Buck asked.

"Just once. Very small and very fast." she replied.

"Oh." the masseur commented winching, poor guy probably moved to a monastery out of shame with how bluntly she said that.

"Please keep it a secret." Limestone asked.

"Okay." the human answered while Maud simply nodded.

"You next, Marble?"

"Eeep!" _**Thud!**_

"Maybe next time." Maud said gently moving her fainted sister aside to jump on the bed herself.

When finally Igneous and Quartz returned they watched Pinkie poke the fainted Marble amused.

"She fainted as soon as I asked if she wanted to be next." Buck said immediately.

 _Sigh!_ "She just needs time to be used to new faces," Igneous answered shaking his head sadly.

"Before we start," the human said taking a small dish to fill it in warm water with few petals of rose and putting ' _Boulder'_ in it to cover its lower half in warm scented water.

"...Relaxing rose bath." Buck answered shrugging to the family's curious looks.

"He likes it, well done." Maud said nodding just a fraction.

"Thank you, shall we start?"

"Yes, please."

When Buck started though not a single sigh came from Maud, making him stop for an instant before showing a truly dazzling smile.

" _HALLELUJAH! Finally a normal reaction! Thank you, Massage Jesus!_ " Buck thought in happiness.

 **Up in Heaven -**

"Uh? Aah! Think nothing of it." A young man with a well-trimmed beard answered while his personal masseur Ramon kept working on his back.

 **Back in Equestria -**

Emboldened by the apparent normalcy, Buck gave his best and worked down to the smallest crevice of Maud's body, leaving no nerve untouched and even gently caressing her face and the innermost part of her back legs.

"Oow, Maud is not reacting." Pinkie said pouting sadly.

"Thank Harmony she isn't." Igneous countered making Limestone blush a little in answer.

When the hour passed Buck stepped back to let Maud sit on the table with her usual blank expression.

"..." though for some reason she wasn't making a sound.

"Well, considering Marble still has to wake-up, I think for today we can be satisfied like this," Buck said cracking his back with a satisfied groan.

"I think the same, I thank you for coming all the way here, and I am also apologizing for my daughter's extreme reaction," Quartz answered shaking hand with the human.

"It's okay, Miss Quartz, no harm done. Now if you excuse me, I need to return to my parlor as I will use the ' _hole'_ of Marble's missed massage to anticipate a couple appointments."

"Very well, I shall bring the money tomorrow there then," Igneous answered nodding.

"Fine to me, have a nice day, Mister and Miss Rock." the smiling man answered collecting his equipment and leaving.

"Very nice fellow." the old stallion admitted pleased.

"..."

"Daughter? Are thou okay?" Quartz asked at the still silent Maud.

"...Is he gone?" the mare finally asked with a strained tone of voice.

"Yup! You can let go!" Pinkie said smirking.

"Let go wha-"

" _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!**_ "

 _SPLUUUURT! SPLUUUURT! SPLOOOOOORT!_

"OH, GOSH! OH, GOSH! OH, GOSH!"

 _SPLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT!_

"C-C-C-OMIIIIING! GOUUUUUOOUH-OOOOH!"

 _SPLAAAAAAAAASH!_

"..."

"..."

"...This will be your last massage, Maud." Igneous, completely drenched and looking at his poor _flooded_ kitchen floor, the exploded windows and at the furniture that had been amassed against the opposite side of the room by the explosion, said in stoic calm as he was covered from head to toe in sticky juices.

"...Weeeee." Pinkie, she too having been shot against the wall by the blast, groaned weakly from the indent she was in before losing consciousness.

" _Agf! Agf! Agf!_ " the poor, overwhelmed mare panted-out before succumbing to sleep.

"So this is what a proper orgasm looks like." Quartz muttered in wonder making Igneous' head snap towards her to flash a shocked/betrayed expression.

 **With Buck – streets of Ponyvile -**

"What a good day, finally I found a pony acting normally once massaged, nothing will ruin this day!" the human said with a ginormous smile.

 **Not too far away -**

"Discord, I find this idea to be simply ridiculous." Luna said looking at the giant slingshot the Draconequus was _arming_.

"If we use Magic Celly will know, she has cast her eyes on us after YOUR failed plan, so any Magic from us even just too close to the human will be noticed. My plan instead works on purely _physical_ kidnapping, by propelling myself towards him at Mach 5 speed, I will grab him and land in a clear path outside Ponyvile where you will be waiting with a burlap sack to shove him in for us to question later. Now be sure to not misfire and everything will go well." Discord answered annoyed as he donned a pair of pilot goggles.

"I am also the more durable one of the two, so I can better take the fly and landing. And the plan is mine, so the cool part is mine to enact." he also added.

"Fine, fine! Get ready, he is almost on the path of this infernal contraption of yours." the Moon Alicorn answered rolling his eyes as the giant slingshot was now trembling heavily with how much the elastic band had been stretched back.

"Shooting the beautiful bullet in three...two...One..." Discord counted back as Buck came into view.

 **With the Human masseur -**

"Uh! A ten bits bill!" Buck said happily as he bent down, thus completely missing the blurry Discord flying over him and missing the catch.

"Darn it! Well, misfires happened, no harm in trying again." the Draconequus grumbled annoyed.

"TAR! TAAAR! BUY HERE YOUR TAAAAAR! SLIMY AND SMOKING HOT! BUY YOUR TAR HEEEERE! JUST FOR TODAY ON SPECIAL SALE!" A young stallion yelled with a wide smile as the humongous pile of tar barrels behind him kept emitting smoke.

 _ **Bra-kra-craaaaaaash!**_

"What in tarnation?!" the poor stallion yelled in disbelief as _something_ demolished half his stock in an instant.

"IT BUUUUUUUURNS!" the still flying Discord shrieked in agony.

"FEATHERS! FEATHERS FOR EVERYPONY! RE-FILL YOUR PILLOWS HERE! HALF THE PRICE THAN BUYING NEW PILLOWS!" A young mare proclaimed proud as behind her dozen of bags filled to the brim in feathers stood in wait to be used.

"OH, COME OOOON!" Discord yelled in disbelief as he went through the whole stock like a bullet.

" _PFEH!_ Now this is a clichè set-up for a mis-fire! A bit of imagination, please!" the Draconequus said in distaste after spitting-out a mouthful of feathers.

 **At the end of the fly -**

"I don't know, Flim...I don't think somepony will be interested in this thing."

"Have faith Flam! Our ' _ **De-featherer 5800** '_ will be a huge success! Everypony will want a machine able to tear away every feather of a chicken in five seconds!...We'll just need to not mention how _**Ungodly-Painful**_ the thing is. But if nopony falls in, they will never know." Flam answered smirking as he lovingly caressed the big contraption next to the two brothers.

"Okay, brother." Flim said nodding in acceptance.

"NO! NO! NO! TOO MUCH IMAGINATION! TOO MUUUUUUUUUCH!" Discord shrieked in horror as his crash-landing inside the machine activated it on its ' _Max Power'_ setting.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Discord you...Oh!...Oh, Dear...I-I'll be back later..." Luna tried saying in annoyance as she teleported next to the Draconequus, only tot turn green at the horrid spectacle and hurrying away immediately after.

"...We saw nothing?" Flim suggested.

"Yep! We were never here to begin with!" Flam added as both ran away without looking behind.

"K-K-K-Kill...M-M-Meeee." Discord groaned weakly as he dragged himself out of the machine before blacking-out.

 **Back with Buck -**

"Aaah! What a nice day, I wonder if anything will happen...Naaah!" the human said as he leaned back in his seat waiting for the next appointment to show-up.

"If you want to see something done, you have to do it yourself, as usual." Luna muttered lowering the binoculars she was using to spy on the masseur.

"Get ready, my new plan is about to be unleashed on thee."

 **Not too far away -**

"Get ready, my soon-to-be servant, my new plan is about to come to fruition!" Chrysalis said as she herself transformed into an unassuming Unicorn mare to enact her plan for kidnapping.

 **A bit farther away still -**

"So that's him, uh? Very well, never be said that the Great and Powerful Trixie is not above using external help to gain revenge against the darned Elements...Twilight Sparkle especially." another mare muttered darkly.

 **Back to the Human -**

"...There...Now I feel like I jinxed myself..." Buck muttered as a strange feeling of dark foreboding mounted from his spine up to the back of his head.

 **Aftermath Series: Discord.**

"Ouch!...Ouch!...Ouch!" the Draconequus, still in pain from the tar incident, was limping his way back to Fluttershy's place for a well-deserved rest when he heard a long moan coming from the window.

"Oh for fudge sake! I am not in the mood for this!" Discord growled as he kicked the door down to stop the massage.

Only it was NOT a massage that was taking place.

"OH! BUCK ME! BUCK ME HARDER!" Fluttershy screamed in ecstasy as the human masseur kept pistoning inside her with brutal power while pulling her back by the wings to meet his pelvic thrusting mid-way in wet and loud meaty slaps.

"Shut-up whorse and kiss me!" Buck growled in answer as he roughly kissed her while one of his hands started roughly kneeling the mare's breasts.

 _SLURPLPLPLPLPLPLPLP!_ Both human and mare's tongues battled lewdly in a long indecent kiss with saliva flying everywhere.

"I AM CUMMMMMMIIIIIING!" the shy mare yelled as the human inundated her womb with a tidal-wave of sticky seed.

 **Real world -**

"KYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Discord woke-up screaming in horror and shooting both his night cap and teddy bear up in the air.

"DISCORD! You okay!?" Fluttershy yelled in apprehension as he ran at his side in a matter of seconds.

"I...I...I…. _BUAAAAAAARGH!_ " unable to answer the Draconequus barely managed to conjure a bucket in time to not puke on the floor.

"Oh my Goodness! I am calling a doctor!"

"TH-there is no need, it was just a nightmare...Just a nightmare..." Discord answered.

"You look like you have been stressing quite a lot lately." Shy said sadly.

"I have a lot to deal with."

"I know! What about a good massage? It will help you relax! It sure does with me! Mister Blackbeard is very good with his hands!" the mare proposed with a gentle smile.

" _BLUUUUUAAAAARGH!_ "

"...Discord?" Fluttershy asked confused.

 **With Buck – Zecora's hut -**

"Uhn! Somebody is thinking about me." the human muttered unsure.

"I hope is not a mare!" Zecora hissed with narrowed eyes.

"What? Jealous?" he asked smirking.

"S-S-SHUT UP!"

 **AAAAND, I will close the new chapter here, next one will be about Luna's new plan and few Bad guys choosing a bad moment to enact THEIR plans...problem is...Will Buck even notice? XD**

 **Thank you for reading me, I really appreciate the gesture ^ ^**

 **Tr230.**


	6. Chapter 6

**It still amazes me how much of a positive response this story is getting, I am honestly speechless, thank you for accepting my work like this, it means a lot to me. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.**

 **(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters " _Fall_ _ing_ " for the MC's Massages). **

**FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST A CHARACTER AND HOW/WHY THEY END UNDER BLACKBEARD'S CARE IF YOU HAVE PREFERENCES, THE AFTERMATHS TOO IF YOU WANT.**

 **Chapter 6: Songbird Serenade (AKA: Buck VS Luna Round 2). Guest star: Trixie and Chrysalis.**

 **Skies above Ponyville – Flying ship -**

A smallish, yet luxurious, cruise flying ship was calmly making its way towards the small town under request of the young diva inside it.

"Dear Songbird, as you asked, I managed to find your new masseur, even if I cannot understand why you wanted such a strange creature instead of simply asking the usual agency we have always used up until now." The boorish-looking, and a bit effeminate, stallion wearing a red bow-tie asked huffing.

"Just for the same reason why you had to become my new manager, the old one left for reasons of too much stress." the Pop-singer answered amused while checking her bow in the mirror.

"They were captured by a megalomaniac, held prisoners in cages like animals!" the Manager said horrified.

"Meh! It would have been worse, I could have missed the occasion of singing! I promised I would have given my best and I will be darned if I will ever go back on a promise." Songbird Serenade, Number One Pop-singer in Equestria, answered with a proud smirk.

"And also, I heard only good things about him from Fleur de Lis last time we met, so MAYBE ' _stealing'_ him from her before she can snatch him into her personal Staff might have played a part in this decision." she added laughing.

"But-but! He doesn't even have hooves!" the manager said horrified.

"Apparently that's part of the secret." she answered, looking deep into reminiscence.

 **A week before – Las Mares 'Blitzkrieg and Ploy Magic Show' -**

It was just another fund-rising show, the owner of one of the biggest casinos of Las Mares had organized a show with few Artists so to raise funds to fight against gambling addiction…

Yes, the irony was clear to every pony present.

Luckily, just like Blitzkrieg and Ploy decided to give one of their usual Magic shows for free so to call in backers, Songbird and few others as well took part, and once done with her own turn, Serenade saw her old acquaintance Fleur giving the last flourish to the check she was signing for her donation.

"Having fun?" the pop-singer asked.

"More than having fun, I am more worried about those money, I just hope at least a tenth of what I gave actually goes to that foundation." Fleur answered sighing.

"It will, it will, they will get every cent. I have known that foal of Cash since she was a filly, contrary to her father she does not only think about piling money." the other answered laughing.

"I'll hold you on that. You up for a walk? I need some fresh air." Fleur answered pointing outside.

"Lead the way!"

A short walk between the tables and Serenade could finally see the tired expression the top model was finally stopping holding back.

"You look terrible."

"The new photo session for ' _Dolce & Garbata'_ is killing me." Fleur answered sighing.

 _ **(AN: a Little play on** Dolce e Gabbana. _**Dolce and Garbata mean 'Sweet' and 'Gentle')**

"Stuck-up fashion designer always are maniacs for perfectionism...Well, I too pretend perfection from myself, but it isn't the same." Songbird said chuckling.

"Same for me, I just hope Blackie will have a free spot for me once I am done, I am way too much pent-up." Fleur admitted, once made sure nobody was listening.

"Oh-Oooh! Your new _Beau_? I thought Iron Breaker was your latest victim!" Songbird asked with a teasing smile.

"Okay, first: If I go out with somepony, they are not ' _Victims'_ , I do not force them. Second: I keep telling everypony that just because some tabloid took a picture of me and a colleague having a short coffee break between photo sessions, it doesn't mean we are bucking like rabbits. And third: he is just a masseur I discovered by chance." Fleur answered huffing annoyed.

"A masseur? What about Heavenly Bliss?"

"She is good, really, but after selling few ' _juicy'_ , and FAKE, gossip about me for extra cash, well, I still think she didn't fly far away enough once I kicked her out of my life."

"Then why you say you are pent-up?"

"...Come with me." Fleur whispered rapidly before running away.

"WAIT!"

Once reached the singer's personal ship and unceremoniously kicked everybody on board out, Fleur closed every window and door and looked around apprehensively.

"Relax, my guys know that if I get paparazzi too close to my stuff I will get mad. What do you want to say?" Serenade said with a placating tone.

"T-The reason why I had not been with somepony lately and could just focus on my job AND why I still didn't get a new masseur but just take an appointment to a ' _Normal'_ one..." the model started saying with a mortified expression.

"Yes?"

"...W-Whenever he massages me I come like a cheap whorse..."

"...I beg you pardon?"

"He has not hooves, but those claw-like things, only without the sharps nails. He just...He just massages me with those tiny, firm things and my muscles relax and...And I orgasm again and again...For an hour, non stop."

"An entire hour of continue orgasms?" Serenade asked, looking impressed.

"He offers services of thirty minutes, one and two hours, but I don't think many would last two hours."

"So that is why you and Dashing Muffin broke-up!"

"Part that and part because...Well...There was a ' _tiny'_ problem with him." Fleur answered smirking.

"Fleur!"

"I mean that he snores! I couldn't sleep a wink at night!"

"Oh! I thought you meant..."

"Nah! But also yes."

"So your new crush is that good?"

"Blackie is not my crush!"

"But that sounds like a pet name."

"W-W-We are just friends!"

"A friend that makes you come like a cheap whorse."

"W-W-Well, I must admit that more often than not I wondered how it would have felt to have him give me an ' _Inner_ _Massage'._ "

"You need find yourself a hobby, sister. You work too much and are starting to plan assaulting a guy just doing his job."

"He is just very good. I mean, the massages in themselves are already good, but then the secondary effect kicks-in and my dam breaks everytime. And I am starting to make comparisons between him and my latest fling."

"Naaaasty!" Serenade sang laughing.

"Don't judge me! You wouldn't last against him either." Fleur, face now completely red, said scandalized.

"Darling, contrary to you, I am not tensed like a violin cord, because I know when to relax. The poor guy won't make me even sigh in anything more than just relax."

"Tch! I am not a floozy."

"Nopony says you are...Maybe you are a little loose in terms of orgasms, but certainly not a floozy."

"SONGBIRD!"

 **Present time – Flying ship -**

"Miss Songbird, we will reach Ponyville in an hour." a member of the staff said from outside.

"Good, tell the others to be ready, we will land in a secluded area and walk to Ponyville, I want some discretion."

"Of course, Miss Serenade." the stallion answered before rapidly trotting away.

"So it's because Fluer de Lis told you about him, that is why you wanted me to take an appointment under an alias?" the mare's manager asked in surprise.

"Yes, just in case Fleur told him we are friends, I want that mare to not know I am going there, we have a bet ongoing and I want to win, so she can't know and plan ahead." she answered smirking.

"Especially since you want to snatch him?"

"Him becoming part of my staff or not has nothing to do with this, and even then, I first need to try his talent first hoof. Then I will decide."

"Of course." the Manager answered sighing and rolling his eyes.

 **Meanwhile – Ponyville - " _Small Paradise"_ Massage Parlor -**

Buck Richardson, in Equestria known as Blackbeard the Masseur, was at the moment sitting down on the floor while a brown unicorn stallion was giving the finishing touches to the tattoo the man was getting on his right shoulder.

"I am sorry that you had to come all the way here from Canterlot." the human said sighing.

"It's okay, the designs you sent me were nice enough, and working on somepony as different as you are is a nice challenge," Ink Mark, a pretty-famous Tattoo artist, answered nonplussed as he momentarily stopped working to see how his latest creation was coming along.

"Wonderful! It really looks like a cutie mark, I am a darn genius!" he said in smug pride.

The design was simple, a pair of black human hands positioned palm-up around the silhouette of a pony head that was instead coloured emerald green, both hands were closing around the pony head like a frame.

"I just wanted to blend-in with the locals." Buck said laughing.

"Oh, yes! Because now that you have a cutie mark nopony will see you are not a pony." the Tattoo Artist said with a deadpan tone.

"You cannot know, maybe it will happen!" the man answered with an overly-innocent smile.

"Pfeh! Still, I think the tattoo lacks a key detail."

"NO! For the last time, you are not adding an orgasm squirt to the image!" Buck said, immediately dropping his smile.

"Considering the hidden power of your hand-thingies? You should be happy Humans cannot get a Cutie Mark, because Celestia only knows what it would have been otherwise!"

"Laugh it up, smart flank!" Buck answered grumbling.

"You won't ruin my fun at your expenses. Still, what about the next one?" Ink asked.

"I was thinking about a big one on my back, in Gothic handwriting. Or _Hoofwriting_ , for you ponies."

"It will take a while though, there is a lot of space in there for me to fill." Ink answered already taking notes.

"I know you will manage."

"Of course I will. The Text?"

"I was thinking about _**Godly Hands**_...Or just _**God Hands.**_ I am still deciding."

"...Modest, aren't we?" the Tattoo Artist asked unimpressed.

"I have every right to feel smug every once in a while." the human replied haughtily.

 _Sigh!_ "Fine. I will send you a folder with a couple designs in it by next week, you just send back the one you want. Then we will talk about your appointment and my pay." Ink Mark answered shaking his head in sadness while finally finishing the tattoo and putting a big band-aid on it.

"Wonderful! Here are the money for this one in the meantime. How long before I can uncover it?"

"Two weeks. If we are done, I will take my leave." the stallion answered while already collecting his instruments and the money.

"We have done, thanks Ink."

"Uh-hu."

 _ **BLAM!**_

In that moment the door of the Massage Parlor went kicked open by Shining Armour and Twilight Sparkle, and both looked pissed beyond belief.

"Look at the time! I really must go! BYE!" Ink Mark said aloud while he scampered away.

"Coward!" the human replied at seeing the only witness escape, thus leaving him alone with the fuming twins.

"You two look surprisingly angry."

"More than angry!" Shining hissed.

"What have I done?" Buck asked confused.

"YOU MASSAGED OUR MOTHER!" Twilight roared with her horn already shining dangerously in uncontrolled magic.

"AND OUR FATHER!" Shining added, equally furious.

"...Okay?" the man asked unsure.

"You promised to never do that!" Twilight yelled.

"They asked, I couldn't deny them."

"You couldn't...OF COURSE YOU HAD TO!" Shining yelled turning momentarily green on his face.

"W-We were about to visit them! A-And mom was s-s-sprayed on the kitchen table with dad above her!" the young Princess of Friendship said gagging in disgust.

"Aah! You walked on them having fun." Buck said nodding, then after barely two seconds of thought he started laughing.

"Bwahahahahaha!"

"That is no laughing matter! I will never unsee my dad bucking her like that!" Shining said, desperate.

"For Fuc-fudge sake. You are no longer kids, you really find it so hard to believe those two might still want to fool around once or twice? Shining, you even have a daughter and still come here to be charged-up for you and Cadence's ' _Week-end Special Fun Night'_ , damn it!"

"I-I-It's different." the stallion stammered looking embarrassed.

"And Twilight...You actually send here Flash once a week. You two are in no position to play saint!"

"I-I am not playing saint! I am just worried about their health."

"Considering how much your mother smiles lately? I wouldn't worry about that." the human said bluntly.

"Blackie!" both brothers yelled at the same time.

"At worst, if I were you, I would think about what to do should a new brother or sister come along."

"Oh, Goodness!" Shining said with a faint voice, as if he was ready to faint at the mere idea.

"Listen, sorry if it looks like I am kicking you out, but unless you can wait until I have done, I have an appointment now." the man said getting up and wearing the upper half of his cyan-blue masseur uniform.

"This isn't over." Twilight said huffing annoyed while dragging away the still-shocked Shining behind her.

"Those two, all this fussing just because I made their parents fuck like rabbits. Bah!" Buck muttered shaking his head.

"….WAIT! FLASH? AS IN FLASH SENTRY?! _HERE!?_ ONCE A WEEK!?" he then heard the far-away shrilly scream of Shining that apparently only then registered the fact that Twilight too had a romantic life.

"At least that should keep both out of the way for a little." the human said smirking pleased as the gentle chiming of the bell above the door alerted him of the arrival of his new customer.

"Good morning, Doc!"

"Good morning to you too, Mister Blackbeard." the stallion answered with a courteous nod.

Doctor Whooves! AH! The laughs both Buck and him shared at the man's telling of the infamous TV Show of his old world, especially since both the fictional character and the Stallion did share some common traits, but no matter how many times Buck asked (or whined), the Doc's lips were always sealed shut about his having a Tardis or not.

"Finally here for some relaxing? I thought you said you only need your afternoon tea for that!"

"Eh! About that, I don't know if you know about this...But..."

"You are smitten for dear Derpy, isn't it?" Buck asked smirking.

"And how in the name of Heavens do you know that?!" Doc asked, shocked.

"Between my regular customers I have Rarity Belle, Sweet Talk, Dash' mother and both Miss and Mister Carrot of Sugarcube Corner." he answered smug.

"So you pretty much have full access to the gossip spy network of Ponyville and Canterlot. I should have anticipated this."

"What do you need from me?" Buck asked interested.

"A bit of help." the Doc answered a bit shyly.

"Say no more!" the human answered pulling a secret lever behind the counter at the entrance.

 _Tcha-Clunk!_

In a fast spinning of well-oiled cogwheels the ' _Massage Parlor'_ under the shop's name plaque behind the counter turned 180 to become: ' _ **Small Paradise!**_ **Blackbeard's Love Counseling Parlor.'**

"My friend, your humility is at an all-time low these days." the stallion said unsure.

"Believe it or not, this was all Pinkie's doing. One day I opened shop and I found the lever already installed, I have no idea how she did it since only I have the keys of this place." Buck answered shrugging.

"Do not question it then, if Pinkamena did it, then she did it. Even I had to throw in the towel when faced with her." the other answered sighing.

"Jokes aside, come to my office, so we will talk a bit more about what you actually need from me."

"Well, it is fairly easy, all things considered. In my quest of proper conduct and good manners I have, let's say ' _shelved',_ my more basic instincts. And now me and dear Derpy have reached a point where I am not exactly expected to be a Gentlecolt. Do you see where I am getting at, my friend?" Doc said with an extremely contrite expression.

"So I have to make sure Instincts take over as they should? Are you two really planning to enlarge the family?"

"Maybe..." the stallion answered shyly.

"I'll see what I can do. Hop on the table." Buck said nodding and giving a friendly pat on the pony's back.

"Thank you, my friend. Of course you know that-"

"Full discretion, we at Small Paradise treasure our customers' privacy."

"You are the only worker here."

"I have put an add on the newspaper, if I am lucky I should at least find a secretary."

"I wish you great luck then."

"Thank you, let's start now, better not leave your lady waiting!"

"Yes. B-Be gentle."

"I will, but then I assure you, you won't be gentle."

"Goodness gracious."

 **Small Flash Forward -**

"Derpy?"

"Oh, Hello Doc!"

" _ROAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"_ from outside the gentle stallion was heard roaring and take a running leap.

"Ayeeeeeeee!" soon followed by a happy female squeal and other loud noises of Adult Nature.

 **Back to the present -**

Skulking in the shadows, and barely biting back the need of laughing evilly, Trixie the showmare neared the Massage Parlor intent on enacting a new revenge plan against Twilight.

From the opposite direction, Chrysalis walked with elegant steps towards the same destination, and using her modified appearances to attract the eyes of the various stallions around her so to have a small ' _snack'_ to keep her powers at 100%.

And above both mares, Luna herself was resting on a cloud to secretly look at the filthy human she knew was planning some nefarious scheme to destroy Equestria, and she categorically refused to be told otherwise.

And she was not racist! Just because he was not of the same race as her she did not hate him or considered him a criminal bent on obliterating their entire planet, it was just a coincidence that she was sure he was evil and that he was not a pony. She was NOT racist.

Just as Doc left the place running, and with an expression of need many misunderstood for ' _Tea Withdrawal',_ a strange figure completely covered in a long coat, sunglasses, hat and scarf entered the parlor in great haste, unfortunately catching the attention of the three spying mares.

" _An interloper!_ " Luna, Trixie and Chrysalis thought in anger, already believing that mysterious pony being either somepony having had their same idea of ponynapping, or a secret helper for the destruction of their entire solar system. Depending on who you took in consideration.

 **Meanwhile – inside the Parlor – Buck' office -**

"I already massaged VIPs, and none of them went so far in security measures!" Buck said amused while watching Serenade take away layer after layer of concealing clothes.

"Laugh it up, big boy! I have a bet ongoing with Fleur de Lis, and I didn't want her to know I was coming here and alert you before I actually arrived." the mare answered, sighing in relief as soon as the last scarf covering her face finally fell off.

"What kind of bet?" the human asked curious.

"I'll tell you once we have done, just in case." she answered smirking.

"Whatever, let's go, you are actually the first pony to ask for a two hour long massage. But first, sign here."

"...You want me to sign this?!" Serenade asked shocked.

"I won't take responsibilities in case your health suffers from the two hour service, considering the hair-trigger you ponies have, I want to stay on the safe side."

"Whatever floats your boat, buddy."

"Blackbeard, or Blackie if you want to be more friendly."

"Blackie it is then." Songbird answered laughing, and signing the paper while chuckling amused.

"Perfect, I think we can finally start then!"

 **At the same time – waiting room -**

"Are you sure about this, sister?" Limestone asked, worried.

"Yes, Mudbriar could not give me what I need, but I am sure Blackbeard will instead, we also match on a more basic personal level as well. It will work." Maud answered nonplussed.

"Oooh! Then it's true what they started saying here and in Canterlot! ' _Once you go Blackie, you can't go Backie!'_ I thought it was just a joke! _"_ Pinkie added looking greatly amused.

"T-T-That I can understand, but actually courting him, that's too much!"

"I am not giving up." Maud answered.

"Poor muddy though."

"I am sure he will bounce back." Maud answered simply.

 _Maaaaaaauuuuuud! Nooooooooooooo! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_

The far-away cry of despair echoing from outside and reaching every corner of Ponyville went easily ignored by the three sisters and the rest of the population, by now having grown used to it after three days of non-stop howling of grief washing nonstop over the small town.

"Sooner or later he will bounce back, just a matter of time." Maud corrected herself unmoved.

"Everyday exactly at noon, you can almost use it to regulate a clock." Pinkie muttered impressed.

In that precise moment Trixie opened the doors with a vindictive smile on her face, only to yelp in surprise when Chrysalis used her Magic to pull her out so to enter first.

"Trixie finds this lack of manners disturbing." the showmare hissed annoyed.

"Bite me, peasant." Chrysalis answered haughtily as she sat in front of Maud.

"TRIXIE!" Pinkie said shocked.

"What? Can't the great and powerful pamper herself at least once? My world does not spin around you meddling mares!" the mare answered huffing.

"So you mean this is not an overly-convoluted plan to ensnare Blackie and hypnotize him to be your loyal slave and use the fact that we Element Bearers lower our guards with him and get weakened by consecutive screaming orgasms so to kidnap us, steal our Magic with a strange artifact you just so happened to find in the discount area of a random pawn shop so to get revenge and become the most powerful mare alive?" Pinkie asked with narrowed eyes, and all in a single breath.

"...Nnno?" Trixie answered while sweating buckets and hiding better the red gem pulsating in evil energy that was peaking from under her magician hat.

"Oh! Okay then!" the party maniac answered returning to smile cheerfully and ignoring her completely.

"What are you looking at, rock girl?" Chrysalis asked with narrowed eyes.

"Something tells me I should not like you." Maud answered, eyes narrowing of half an electron, signifying her displeasure.

"Your problem then, not mine. Where is that human? I require his services." the transformed Changeling Queen asked annoyed.

"Trixie was here first, so SHE will see him first!" Trixie answered growling.

"No, you will stay put." Chrysalis countered growling.

"How dare you!" the showmare bellowed jumped to her hooves in anger.

 **Meanwhile – in the sky -**

"Okay, as soon as the door opens I will swoop-in at full speed and take him away, he always accompanies the customer to the door, so as soon as he peaks outside he will be defenseless and ready for me to take him away." Luna muttered with narrowed eyes.

As she said that, Trixie was seen fly out of the Parlor once blasted away by Chrysalis.

"THAT'S IT! TRIXIE IS GOING TO KICK YOUR FLANK INTO NEXT CENTURY!" the mare bellowed furious and with her horn blazing in Magic.

"What the hay is happening in there?" the Mon Alicorn said dumbly.

 **Inside the parlor -**

"Feed the great and Powerful with your Magic, you ugly buffoon!" Trixie yelled uncovering the red gem under her hat to shot a thick ray of EVIL light towards Chrysalis.

"Ah-ha! I knew it! It was your Evil plan all along!" Pinkie said triumphant, before throwing herself on the ground to dodge.

"You foal! I shall not be stopped, the human will be my next servant and you won't stand in my way!" the Changeling Queen answered, only to be kicked under her chin by Maud, angry but still with unchanged expression.

The kick though threw the tall Bug-Pony out of the trajectory of the magic-stealing laser that then went reflected by the mirror on the wall behind her and thus returning towards Trixie.

"Gack!" Trixie shrieked scared as she lowered her head to dodge.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MIRROR DELIVERERS!" a second before this happened though, the three little mark-less fillies barged inside dragging behind them a giant mirror on a small wheeled cart.

"Darn it! We came to the wrong address again!" Sweetie Belle said angrily.

 _ZWING!_

"Ah! We are sorry! We are sorry! We will take it away!" Apple Bloom cried out as the three ran away leaving the mirror behind.

 _ZWING_! _ZWING! ZWING! ZWING! ZWING! ZWING!_

Soon the waiting room turned into an epilepsy-inducing laser show as spells of three colours ( _Trixie, the EVIL ruby on her head and Chrysalis_.) started ricocheting everywhere thanks to the two mirrors, the crystal chandelier and the marble floor that had been waxed to the point of shining just that morning.

"Let me go, you dirty miscreant!" Chrysalis roared while wildly shooting magic around to try dislodge Maud from her back.

"You won't touch my friends or my future coltfriend." Maud in the meantime answered by bodily lifting her to throw her at Limestone so that her sister could buck Chrysalis back with both back hooves.

"Gimme that evil gem!" Pinkie yelled while trying pouncing on Trixie.

"Never! Trixie will never let go of her ' _Evil Ruby of the Merciless Magic Thief_ '!" the other answered.

"Then you admit this was all your evil plan!"

"No! T-T-Trixie meant her ' _Innocuous Ruby with No Evil Powers Whatsoever.'_ , you just misheard her!"

"You won't fool me with your strange mental tricks!"

"Darnit!"

And what was happening to Buck while all this extremely loud mess was taking place?

 **Inside the perfectly sound-proof massage room -**

"Unf! Unf!" Songbird was still biting on her hoof to stifle her moans while the human stoically massaged her back.

"Do not worry, I am used to this, do not cover your mouth. I don't mind." Buck said sighing.

"AAAAAAAH! AAAAAH!" in answer the mare admitted defeat and started bellowing in pleasure.

"D-Did Fleur moan too!?" she asked with her eyes closed tightly.

"Yes, you are lasting more than-"

"Gyaaaaah!" his answer went interrupted by a giant spurt of female release exploding from her back with enough strength to almost push the mare forward of few inches.

"...Nope, you lasted one full second less than her."

"Aaah! Aaah! Ahh!" Songbird mewled lewdly as she tried to recover her breath.

"Didn't she warn you about this hidden effect of my massages?"

"Screw that, just buck me now." Serenade whispered hotly.

"Eh?"

"BUCK ME! MOUNT ME! SCREW ME!"

"Miss Serenade, PLEASE consider what you are asking me," the poor human answered looking unnerved.

"Slam it here, where it's hot and wet. Come on, I know you want to!" Songbird asked, drooling down a river.

"SONGBIRD!" Buck yelled, making her eyes recover some focus.

"...AH! I-I am sorry!" now looking completely ashamed, the mare finally covered herself by laying down on her belly and pressing her tail down hard between her legs to add further cover.

"Well, Fleur actually assaulted me and managed to slip her tongue down to my tonsils before I could push her away, so you were not the worse one." Buck answered trying to sound comforting.

"But I asked you to buck me..." she answered while burying her head under her hooves.

"You were very sexy?"

"That doesn't help!" the mare answered with a long whine.

"Ops."

 **Two hours later -**

"That's it! I am going in! It is clear that he is indeed planning something! I keep seeing flashes of magic and nopony got out, by now he would have long finished his so-called ' _Massages'_!" Luna finally could not wait anymore and descended on ground level, actually scaring the new customers arriving away with a glare.

"Now, I will get in. Scare them at being finally discovered. And then I will finally throw him in jail and save Equestria. I can do this! I CAN DO THIS! I AM PRINCESS LUNA!" Luna said to psych herself up.

"STOP WHERE YOU ARE, YOU EVIL...Eh?" the Moon Alicorn proclaimed loudly while slamming the door open, only to see Chrysalis without her disguise, and with a swollen eye, pinning against the wall Limestone and Maud thanks to her Magic while Pinkie and Trixie kept rolling on the floor biting each other.

"You broke Trixie's evil ruby!"

"And you bit my flank!"

"You almost broke my horn!"

"YOU. BIT. MY BUCKING. FLANK!" Pinkie roared in answer while showing the angry-red bite mark on her flank.

"ENOUGH!" Luna yelled with the booming, deafening, every-noise-killing tone of voice known as ' _ **Canterlot Royal Tone**_ ' she was still prone to when stressed, making the windows explode and deafening half the population of Ponyville.

And Buck still didn't hear a thing inside, whoever Celestia asked, the guys that made the room soundproof should be damn proud of themselves! Even if making it soundproof towards what happened outside too was a bit too much over-zealous.

In a flash of dark-blue Magic, every pony present went frozen in place, even Chrysalis.

"So you meddling sisters can't help coming in to ruin my plans, eh?" the Changeling Queen hissed furious.

"Be quiet, you fool creature! I know you and that magician are conspiring with that dirty ape to destroy Equestria and enslave ponykind for who knows what sick Evil plan! And I will stop you before...You said ' _Meddling Sisters'_?...Tia is standing right behind me, isn't she?" Luna asked in dread, deflating a little and pinning her ears against her head.

"Yes, Luna. I am. I could hear your scream from the throne room and decided to check what you were doing." Celestia answered evenly from behind her.

"Am I in trouble?" she asked trying to look cute and innocent.

"Take a guess."

"No?"

"Take another guess." Celestia answered nonplussed.

"Now you all will clean up this mess and act like civilized ponies, I am already very disappointed in you, do not make me get angry."

"You cannot order me around, you solar bimbo!" Chrysalis barked furious.

 _ **WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

"Now you all will clean up this mess and act like civilized ponies, I am already very disappointed in you, do not make me get angry." Celestia repeated with a gentle, blood-chilling smile while acting as if her horn was not still smoking from the recent over-charged blast.

"YES, PRINCESS!" the other mares present answered as one once seen the scorched mark on the floor and the charred-black Chrysalis lying unconscious in its middle.

"Me too, Tia?" Luna asked with a trembling lip.

"No, you will take back Chrysalis to her hive and remember her that as Alicorns we have a ' _non-lethal'_ setting in our spells we might decided to forget to use if she oversteps once again." Celestia answered nuzzling her sister a little.

"Okay." the other answered, clearly calming down a lot from the gesture and also returning it.

"...We will then talk about your punishment." the Sun Alicorn then added with a mischievous smirk.

"P-P-P-Punishment?!"

"Yes, I think that forcing you to wear for a week that cute bunny onesie you used to wear when we were fillies will be enough."

"N-N-NO! You cannot humiliate us like this!" Luna yelled scandalized and with a crimson face.

"I am trying to teach you good manners, Lulu. You are against poor Blacke without a reason."

"Without a reason? H-He is evil, and I will prove it to you!" Luna said huffing childishly before taking away Chrysalis in a bout of teleportation.

 _Sigh!_ "I am sorry for my sister's behavior, please, allow me to help you repairing the damages." Celestia offered with an apologetic tone.

"And what about Trixie?" the showmare asked, worried.

"Since your rivalry with my student is getting honestly ridiculous, I believe it is about time you two sit this down and finally talk."

"But! But! But! But Trixie is too darn prideful and childish for that!"

"Either that or doing community service for a couple months. I heard one retiring home in Canterlot was looking for help in giving sponge baths to its dear residents or help changing their diapers. Without magic of course."

"But why is Trixie wasting time here? It is clear that this silly enmity with dear Twilight has gone unresolved for far too long!" Trixie, now looking very green on her face, answered immediately.

"Good to hear, dear. But for now, just help us clean, this looks like a pigsty more than a massage parlor." Celestia said with a short giggle.

"Of course, your Highness!"

 **Later that day -**

"And with this, we are done." Buck said happily, opening the door to see a pristine massage parlor with Celestia, Maud and Pinkie waiting for him, Limestone instead was asleep to rest from the intense cleaning session they all went through.

"…Gflfblbl…"

"Serenade?" the human said again.

"Gfgfgf..."

 _Sigh!_ "Help?"

 _Poof_!

"Thank you, Celly. The usual?" Buck asked with a very grateful smile at seeing the massage room return sparkling clean and Serenade being teleported on an empty seat so to snore in peace.

"Yes, I would love that, dear." Celestia answered.

"Ah! Maud! Good evening!"

"Good evening." the mare from the rock farm answered with the sides of her mouth quirking up of a micron.

"You look awfully happy today." the man said impressed.

"Because I found a new coltfriend." Maud answered.

"Oh! And who is the lucky stallion?"

"You." she answered.

"Eh?!"

"Is that why you wanted me to come here?" Zecora asked as she too joined the scene.

"I know you and Zecora are together and have regular sex. I want in." Maud explained simply.

"WHAT?!" Celestia bellowed in shock.

"I thought it was obvious."

"No, it wasn't supposed to be." Buck answered face-palming.

"WHAT?! I come here everyday, and you choose her?!" Celestia asked again.

"Celly, please."

"DO NOT ' _CELLY'_ ME! WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I HAVE NOT?!"

"Oh, for the love of God..." Buck muttered tiredly as he sat first row to see utter chaos descend in his beloved parlor.

 **The Aftermath Series: The Tantabus Lament -**

"Let me get this straight...You managed to send the Tantabus, a living nightmare you have started losing control of...In that Human's dreams?" Discord asked once taken-in a huge breath.

"Yes, it was a chore since without Magic in him I can not enter his dreams, but using a round-about way, I managed to create a temporary bridge to his dream realm, a one-way trip, but considering that the Tantabus was about to get self-aware, trapping it there was my best option. It will never escape from there and will plague him with enough nightmares that he will soon confess." Luna answered.

"You do realize you missed the opportunity to forgive yourself for what you did as Nightmare Moon, yes?" Discord asked unsure.

"I already did that."

"Oh! Okay then. What dream did you use to create that bridge?"

"Miss Fluttershy, she was dreaming about herself being brutally bucked by that human right in the middle of the Grand Galopping Gala for everypony to see. _Eew!_ She even dreamed of him climaxing on her face as a way to mark her as his property, disgusting." Luna answered with a scrunched nose.

" _Bluaaaaaaargh!_ "

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the Moon Alicorn shrieked in horror and disgust when Discord gave a spectacle of emptying his stomach right on her face in answer to the horrifying image she gave him.

 **The next day -**

"Good morning, Buck! Slept well?" Zecora asked.

"The best night of sleep I had in ages! I even saw Princess Luna in my dreams as you said. To think I thought she didn't like me, instead she came to help me during a nightmare." Buck answered with a pleased smile.

"Really? How so?"

"Well, I have this nightmare where a group of terrorists I was about to arrest with my squad make a nuke explode killing me, remember what I told you about nukes?"

"Yes, very nasty bombs." she answered grimacing in dread at the memories of his tales.

"Well, as usual those men are about to make it explode when this giant translucent and featureless Pony appears between me and the bomb and takes the explosion itself, getting vaporized in my place and leaving me and my squad completely safe. I think it means that the Princess wants me to remember that since I am here, I no longer have to fear those things, that here I don't have to worry about wars or having to fight."

"Probably, she is the guardian of dreams, she clearly wanted you to finally let go of your bad memories and just worry about making new, good ones, here in Equestria." Zecora confirmed with a small smile.

"Like with you?" he answered wiggling his eyebrows.

"Silly foal." the mare answered with a demure blush.

 **Meanwhile -**

"What do you mean ' _Gone'_?!" Discord asked appalled.

"Gone, destroyed, _Puff!_ No longer existing! I just got the backlash of its few (miserable) rests return to me."

"And you created it? Bah, Amateur. You cannot create stuff if you are not good at it." Discord said smirking.

"Really?" Luna said with her eyes narrowing in fury.

"Oh, please! It's just constructive criticism."

"Fluttershy mating with the human."

" _BLEEAAAAAAARGH!_ "

This time though, Luna sidestepped the foul stream and just sat there enjoying the Draconequus' moment of agony in vindictive pleasure.

 **The aftermath series: Cucked Anonymous -**

A group of stallions sat in a circle inside a brightly lit room with walls plastered in motivational posters, sitting a bit farther away, a psychologist was silently nodding and taking notes.

Soon every noise died-down when a stallion with a plain face and blood-shot eyes got up from his seat.

"Hi. I am Mudbriar and I have been Cucked by Blackbeard's massages." Mudbriar said looking still about to cry.

"Hi, Mudbriar." the other stallions answered in chorus.

"It happened a week ago, I started seeing Maud getting cold, distant. Then we were about to get intimate...And nothing, she said she could feel the same intensity of when he massages her. Then-Then she said between us it was over, that he could not measure up...AND NOW SHE IS TALKING ZECORA INTO MAKING THEIR RELATIONSHIP A THREE-WAY! WAAAAAAH!" the stallion said before melting into a new round of desperate wailing.

"It's alright, let it all out. We are between friends here, we all are here to help you come out from this moment of darkness, to find new light in your life after this small tumbling. You still have your whole life in front of you. Now let's exchange a small hug of encouragement, then we will go through our usual exercises." the mare psychologist said with a gentle smile.

"Of course, dear." the mare's husband tried answering from the circle of cucks.

"Uh-hu." she countered, uninterested.

"Be strong, we will come out of this with new strength." one of his new friends said with an encouraging smile.

"Waaah!"

 **End of the chapter!**

 **Thank you for reading me :)**


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